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Comment by Dolly on June 7, 2015 at 2:50pm

so true Ammy....

Comment by Ammy on June 7, 2015 at 2:10pm

Thinking of you all.  Sending love & blessings.

Comment by Sharon on June 7, 2015 at 1:03pm

Jill, Dolly... Like is so unfair. We should not be living our lives without our boys.
Death really screws up the whole family. So much sadness, and everyone is grieving in different ways and different timelines. I hope that we can keep our families together through this.
But like they say, we are each on our little life rafts. We cannot let go of ours to save another family member, or we will drown. Right now, I guess it's every man for himself. Hopefully we will all survive this awful journey.

Comment by Dolly on June 7, 2015 at 11:23am

Life is just never going to be as sweet.. but then even less bitter seems impossible... I know everyone loses people they love.. but their losses, although I feel sorry for them... their losses don't do anything to make mine less horrible... as I'm sure my loss doesn't help them any... its all horrible and it just takes such a bite out of us and the bite doesn't heal.. it may scab over.. but it reminds me of what my son Brandon went through the last few years of his life... a bed sore that he got in the hospital.. first one he ever had.. from some hospital borne infection... a horrible infection.. and it never totally healed no matter what we did... that's the way I feel... like I have an open wound in my heart that won't heal ever.... how else SHOULD I feel? Oh theres MANY who will tell me to 'stop whining'.. what do they know of my pain? All this has made me so hard hearted towards those who poke at my pain and tell me to get over it... I just want to smack them silly... I don't want to feel like this but I do... answers? I have none... where do I go from here? seems like nowhere... nothing works...nothing is fun... do I like it this way? want it this way? NO I DON'T .. but it doesn't seem to matter what I want... all I can do is be happy that at least my husband and other family members seem OK so far... that IS alot... but it is not Brandon smiling at me..

Comment by Jill E on June 7, 2015 at 9:29am

6 months ago my darling boy left me. Only 33 he was so young. How did this all happen. It feels like he is still here and then reality comes crashing down. Had bad meltdown in front of my son Derek on Friday over a mistake I made when helping him send out a resume. A BIG meltdown. Really let go and Derek got so upset. For all that know my heartache over Detek, he decided to quit so he would not have a fire on his resume. And can you believe it. In the last week he had parents 2 different sets praise him up one side and down the other about what a great writer he is and thanking him for being so awesome and taking the time to cover the little league playoffs(we do live in a little) town. And that ass (his boss) gave him a "letter" saying he was not doing is InDesign correctly. I can't believe it...anyone out there know of a small paper looking for a hard working reporter that will cover everything.
Just one more thing to add to my pain.
I hate life with one of my sons in pain the other gone.

WYWH Josh. I love you more than life itself

Comment by Teresa D. on June 6, 2015 at 7:18am

Ammy they are words I learned through you.

PEACE to everyone.

Comment by Rj on June 5, 2015 at 2:06pm

I love that ammy

Comment by Ammy on June 5, 2015 at 1:51pm

I was just reading an email from another group and she said she saw this writing on FB.

“You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. 
But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through.
It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—
that still hurts when the weather gets cold,
but you learn to dance with the limp.”

~Anne Lamott

Comment by Ammy on June 5, 2015 at 1:46pm

This month is more of a challenge with my son's birthday on the 14th my birthday on the 16th (which I try to forget), and then Father's day, and the Father's day part is almost harder than thinking of his birthday because it brings back the memories of his little girl not being able to understand why her Daddy isn't here.  We always say that the loss of a child is the worse loss you will ever endure, but for a young child that doesn't understand what death is, that loss runs close for them.  She cried almost as much as I did and seeing her grieve only added more sorrow to the sorrow.
Then July 14th is when he left us.
I will try not to dwell on it as best I can, but these are the dates that stir up the fire.
I keep you all in my prayers every day.  

Comment by Ammy on June 5, 2015 at 1:38pm

Teresa, you said it perfectly.  This should be copied by all that are fresh in this journey so they can read it when it seems there will never be rays of light in the darkness of grief.  I am grateful that I learned to stay focused (most of the time) on the day I was in and not to look ahead.  We can't manage if we focus on what will never be, but we all end up doing it at times.  It's okay as long as you don't stay there.
And now I try not to look back either.  I don't want to remember that first year or the second.  I'm grateful for the gentler days but I still think of my son throughout the day.  It's just not as hard.

I hope for gentler days for each of you.  They will come.  {{{Hugs}}}

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