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Comment by Ammy on June 23, 2015 at 2:35pm

Teresa, I am like you in that I can't part with anything anymore.  I regret so much that the day after my son left us my daughter came here and said we needed to get rid of his clothes.  I am so grateful that I only let her bag up what was in his laundry basket, and yet I feel a little anger that it was done.  We aren't thinking straight and should not do anything for quite awhile if you ask me.
I don't know if you saw that I did thank you last week for thinking of us on his birthday.  I posted a few pics but I think I will be deleting them.  I'm so paranoid thinking my daughters may find me on here because they know I belong to a couple of groups and here and there is where we can be ourselves.  I do believe that they are more understanding now that this is for the rest of my life and I'm never going to be who I was before.

Take care everyone.  Try not to look back and don't look ahead.  Focus on today.  Today is all we have for now.  {{{Hugs}}}

Comment by Ammy on June 23, 2015 at 2:28pm

I remember that pic from last year Dolly.  It's so unique.  To me it looks like it should have water flowing from the top set to the bottom one.  Thanks for sharing it again.

Comment by Dolly on June 23, 2015 at 12:17pm

here is last year's shroom.... I've posted it before I know, but..

Comment by Dolly on June 23, 2015 at 12:16pm

thanks Vasanthi... we get it in here don't we.. we get each other.... even if nobody else does... even my husband has had his share of dreams and conversations with heaven.... we are NOT doing any spiritual hoodoo weirdo stuff... just reaching out across the way... into heaven a bit I think... and all of nature seems to be in touch with that place too I think because they are so present and close since Brandon left... bears, owls, hawks, tanagers, deer and their babies.. just the other day I was thinking how much I'd like to see another beautiful mushroom like the one we saw for the first time last year, and we rounded the corner in the road and there was ANOTHER one on the same tree trunk... nothing was there a couple of days before... and it was BIG already.... I'm adding a pic of last year's mushroom and then in a bit I will post this year's .... when those things happen it makes me tingle with gratitude

Comment by Vasanthi S on June 23, 2015 at 11:46am

Dolly u r right , you do ANYTHING that helps even if no one understands and from bitter experience I can tell you that even family does not understand. So we do whatever we want alone and we can talk about it here because here all will understand.... hugssssss

Comment by Dolly on June 23, 2015 at 11:10am

but I will continue to talk to my son, play music to him, wear his shirts, and cry whenever I have to... even if some people think its self pity.. I know grief and self pity are NOTHING alike

Comment by Dolly on June 23, 2015 at 11:08am

well folks.. I told you some about my trouble with the online church where they told me I was feeling sorry for myself and just wanted to spread my grief out all over the internet... well I stopped saying anything about it for awhile until the other day a person who claimed to be a therapist on there was giving advice .. most of it sounded great actually.. until she had to go and add 'don't complain' ..so I posted a nice request that she be careful about using words like that because it could really hurt some people who were deeply suffering.. well it got deleted and my husband got so fed up he wrote the leader of the site an email to say he was ending his membership and why... it was not a bad email and even quoted from the Bible ... but in response to it they emailed ME to say they had closed MY account TOO without even saying anything to me first... so I am officially KICKED OUT... but I am definitely better off OUT of there... so many nice and loving people are part of the site and I will miss them, but for some reason the leader of the site just had a major bee up his whatever about my objecting to the use of words like 'don't complain' and 'stop feeling sorry for yourself' and 'don't have a bad attitude about losing a child'.. so I just have to 'move on' at least from that site... why are people like that?

Comment by Dolly on June 23, 2015 at 11:00am

SHARON.. I love wearing my son's shirts... makes me feel like I'm getting a hug from heaven... maybe I AM

Comment by Sharon on June 23, 2015 at 7:14am

Theresa,
I love your quilt! It is so beautiful. Your daughter did a wonderful job.

Comment by Teresa D. on June 23, 2015 at 5:50am

Sharon, Michael had a huge collection of Jerseys that he always wore, my daughter took some and had them made into a quilt for me and his dad.

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