Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by joanne on February 8, 2015 at 6:56pm

I hope by letting it out you feel a little better. Remember to breathe. I hope everything will fall into place. I too have another son that I can go visit anytime. I drive by his street twice a day going to work. Then there is my darling granddaughter who will be 3 in May. Another on the way in August. thank god for them or I would of really lost it when My son died. You have to do whaT makes you feel good. Being close to your son will help you with your grieving. I know because I am where you are.

Permalink Reply by Jill E on February 8, 2015 at 8:24pm

You are the best thing that has happened to me since I lost Josh. After trying to find someone that has been going through much the same thing. We are both so lucky we have our boys because we can be there for them and them for us. Josh never wanted children (of course I wonder if his addiction had something to do with that decision). He always said he was "too selfish" and I figured that meant his cars that he loved working on etc. I do have 3 grand-dogs that Josh rescued. You are so lucky your family is growing. I really know that I am now being so over protective and I have done some heavy lecturing regarding alcohol. I think he is being a bit over protective of me also. Derek is 25 and all he thinks about is his career now so one day I may be blessed with a Grandchild. Once again Thank You. I treasure the fact that I can talk to you and not feel "guilyt" for letting it out. I have not done social stuff...can't stand the thought of idle chatter...when I feel like crap and miles away from anything that they are talking about or thinking about .. Used to be "the life of the party" so to speak, I could always crack everyone up... I just don't think I will ever be that way again. I guess you know now that I am a talker...sorry I guess that is one thing that hasn't changed. Big Hugs

Permalink Reply by Connie K on February 9, 2015 at 10:53am

Wow Jill you have taken on a lot to deal with but it seems like you are be guided to do this. It must be tough to have to move so many animals as well. I am sorry you have to lose one of your pups. I can not imagine doing all of that. My son died 2 years ago and he was 17. So he still lived here and his room is still only have way changed. He was born and raised here. His only home. Some days I feel i need to move away but I can't bare it yet. He was my only  and I don't know what my future can possibly hold. I am so glad you have your other son and a new beginning . They say we are hear to learn so I applaud your courage to undertake this move and fill your life with the love of your surviving son. Like you said  you can help each other grieve.

Permalink Reply by Jill E on February 9, 2015 at 12:45pm

Connie I am so very happy to hear from you. This move is a blessing but also heart wrenching. My Josh lived in this house only a small time but the home he grew up in is less than a mile away. Am so sorry for the grief you are feeling. I am thankful for my younger son. Josh was born during my first marriage and my youngest 8 years later with my current and 2nd husband. Even with the age difference they were always close but he didn't know his brother was an alcoholic either. No matter how many people are around I am still so alone. Mother's are different. Our love is so intense, so special that it never fades, so neither does the loss. Well I do hope someday that the loss of our sons will be bearable. With love and hugs

Permalink Reply by Linda Wishart on April 18, 2015 at 3:30pm

Jill,
OMG! You sound like me with five different topics in one message! And everyone, including myself say my messages rarely are read through to the en. And then I'm frustrated because someone didn't answer a question 3/4 into my message. LOL

BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY; We, unfortunately, have one other thing in common, writing on this page due to losing our heart and soul with the death of our children. I can't keep focus, I am completely alone. I had to drive myself 45 minutes to morgue to see, hold, stroke the hair and beautiful face of my (33) daughter one last time, again to plan funeral, and again for the funeral day. I had to put together the picture boards, framed pictures that I also had to go to Walmart to get enlargements! I feel so empty, lost and broken. My daughter has an older sister (by 17) months who has not and will not speak to me since that horrific day of Kelly's Death. Kelly's children, whom, like all my grandchildren, have been very very close to me, are now with Father and His family. So in one swift moment, like any other day at work, my 11 year old grandaughter called me after finding her mother's lifeless body when she got up for school. On that day I lost, Kelly, her two children... And her sister and her four children. My home had a grandchild or more most Every weekend for 17 years. Each even lived with me throughout time. Kelly only live across the street and on 3 separate occasions worked in the same field. Now I am completely alone. I never made friends "I don't need a friend, I have my children and my grrandbabies" I used to say. In a five year span I've lost my brother at 41 to alcohol/drugs, my grandaughter (Kelly's daughter) at age 7 to Swine Flu. My mother to drugs (she became a full on addict after her son passed at 41, she is 78 but living lIke a homeless drugaddict in a city's down town district. My husband's daughter at 34, then he lost control and just left a year later. And in October my sweet sweet huggable caring and wonderful Kelly at 33, to Alcoholism. She only drank 2 years of her 33 on earth And it killed her. I feel as though I failed her, because I am a Mental health therapist and an alcohol/drug counselor. I should have been able to help her stop. Kelly hid it well and lied if I questioned her So, logically I know this is not rational, but it comes up with my brother, mother (Not dead, but living in a scummy hotel in down town of a nearby city doing drugs, being high, nodding off and overdosing often and living that lifestyle, Still, @78 years old., and my daughter's death. All other family abandoned me beginning 24 years ago when I became Sober and juft filtered off as grew, healed, matured, and became nothing like them. i earned degrees in college bachelor's and masters. I was in Doctorate College but have mow dropped out. I can't believe even my nieces nephews brothers sisters aunts uncles and cousins are gone. To the point of "NOT ONE BLOOD RELATIVE CAME TO MY DAUGHTERS FUNERAL! !!" And they are all within 45 minute drive to me. I have been alone every day and night, while my heart breaks. I'm whining sorry, kinda all over the place.
You are so right when you say"this is by far the Worst of them all"!!!! The other hurt, absolutely, but this is SO DIFFERENT. And people don't understand that... I've also thought about selling and moving somewhere. But I last spent good quality time with my daughter and all grandkids mom husband. All on my home, if I try picturing driving a u haul away from my home, I shudder.
See, I've written so much I've forgotten the rest of my thoughts.
Anyway, I related to your post. If ever you want to text u can use 775-250-3149...... good luck