Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by kim on July 8, 2014 at 7:59am

dear linda, I to have lost my only child, my son shawn, in nov, I feel empty, lost and unbearable pain, I cry everyday and night. I go see him everyday. I sleep with his clothes and wear them to.i wont go any where, I just stay home and cry. I think by you going out was good for you, she knows you are in pain, she knows you needed to get away. please don't be hard on yourself, shes with you even when you are out. for the first time yesterday in 8 months I felt my son touch me, I cryed all day. I want so very bad to go with him, I pray everynight for him to take me. I know what you are feeling, I long to here the word mom again.  im here for you if you need me, take care  love kim  

Permalink Reply by Linda on July 8, 2014 at 8:12am

Thank you Kim. I too am sorry for your loss. Do you mind me asking how old your son Shawn was?  My daughter Desiree' was 31.  It was a single car accident that took her from me.  You see, as much as I begged and pleaded with her to wear her freakin seat belt she simply refused to do so! I'll never forget the words the detective said to me..."if she had been wearing her seat belt we wouldn't be having this conversation now", those words haunt me to the core! You think that once your child makes it through the sometime troublesome teens that everything should be ok, that they'd live a long and full life, see you thru your golden years. NOT that they'd be taken so suddenly!  I weep even now as I type.

Permalink Reply by kim on July 8, 2014 at 8:28am

linda, my shawn was 40 when we were on the wat to pick up his meds for his heart, he went away, I screamed and screamed for help and told him not to leave me, I to am crying while im typing this. he went away nov 5 and he turned 41 april 5.shawn is my life, my husband is my rock, but I know im pushing him away. he knows I want to go  NOW. ken is trying so hard to get me to go out but I cant, I cry all the time, my eyes are so swollen I can hardly see. without my baby I have nothing left. there are some wonderfull people in here that read our thoughts, and care so much for us. I have lost friends  since this happened but I have made true friends in here, forever friends. they know and feel our pain, I hope we can be friends to.  im here for you when you need to talk , im on everyday to let my feelings out, to cry, without theses people by now I would be with shawn,   takecare hugs and love kim  

Permalink Reply by Connie K on July 8, 2014 at 1:40pm

Hi Kim

 Yes , I too long for that sweet call "Mom?". Oh how I miss that sweet voice.

Permalink Reply by Connie K on July 8, 2014 at 11:03am

Linda I am so sorry for your loss. I also lost my only child, my 17 year old son in a tragic car accident. He was a passenger. The driver made an arrogant and stupid move that killed my son instantly. the driver was fine. We went through legal hell along with all the rest. You will go through ups and downs. The wave hits at the most unexpected times. It's good that you could get out and enjoy yourself. I know that's what your daughter would want for you. Sending you peace and prayers.

Connie

Permalink Reply by Linda on July 8, 2014 at 11:17am

thank you for your words of encouragement Connie. I am so so sorry for your horrific loss as well.  My daughter Desiree' also died in an auto accident but at her own hands.  I'll never know for sure what may have caused her to over correct her vehicle after grazing the medium but my imagination can be brutal.  I'm told it was from BFT to the brain, try as I may Desiree' refused to practice seatbelt safety no matter how many times I was blue in the face about it. After her accident I became obsessed with finding out about BFT and the numbers are staggering when involving auto accidents. Course i'll never forget what the detective had said to me that" if Desiree' had been wearing her seatbelt we wouldn't be having this conversation". That too still haunts me. WHY, WHY, WHY!!!!????

Permalink Reply by Barbara Palko on July 8, 2014 at 11:15am

Linda, It has been 15 months since my son Kris died. I felt that it would never be better, I've come to realize with the help of my counselor and "time" it does not have to hurt ever day,hour,minute,seconds of the day. We just had the 4th of July which was his favorite holiday and I did not go to pieces. I was able to celebrate his life and love with memories of him and his joy for living. So I say to you don't feel guilty when you do smile and have a good time-your child would not want you to set around and wallow all day for them. you will be one day able to tell them you love them face to face and hold them again.So no this will not always be the way and yes it natural to feel the way we do. I say if I did not love you so much it would not hurt o much:)

Barbara

Permalink Reply by Linda on July 8, 2014 at 11:27am

Thank you Barbara, it is promising to see that I too will heal to some degree in time as you have. I'm slowly making progress but the guilt returns when I feel that I hadn't thought about my daughter Desiree' for any length of time.  I pray for time to pass so that I can say...yes, it's been so and so months/years when I lost my beautiful Desiree', but for now the 3 months is too much.

Linda

Permalink Reply by Barbara Palko on July 9, 2014 at 9:21am

It has taken me a very long time to get here. There will never be a day that I don't think about him or cry about him. I even still have his incoming voicemail message and listen to it at least once a week. The pain will unfourtinly never go away just eases up. Take your time and don't let people tell to get over it. This is a lose you never get over. I still have guilt over Have a good time but I know Kristopher would not want me to live like that and that makes be ok to enjoy life again. I never thought I would 1 !/2 yrs ago .

just gets easier to handle it....