Allowing Grief

I am sorry if I don't grieve correctly.
Please share with me the standards you use to judge.
In the beginning if I held my emotions it wasn't enough.
Yet now you do not wish to be reminded of what I can never forget.

How can one judge someone elses emotions.
Who are they to say what is correct.
Where does one find the expiration date for grieving their child?
Is our pain any less as time goes by?

We are able to get through our good and bad days.
We have had practice now in how to put on a act.
Yes, all the world is a stage and I am a consumate actress.
I am playing the role of my life and I must give it all that I have.

Nobody wants to see my tears now.
No one wants to acknowlege that I still hurt.
Everyone wants life as it used to be.
Can't they see that so do I?

Where are the books that tell us when we can feel and when we cannot?
Is there a set formula that we must follow?
Will there be a test we are expected to pass?
Why are we not allowed to have our own feelings?

Until the end of my days I will grieve my child.
I am sorry if you think I am doing it wrong.
It will be done at my own speed.
She was my child and not yours.

Please allow me my grief!

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Laura Villarreal on December 2, 2009 at 3:56pm
Thank you, Gail...there are times I feel like just screaming at the top of my lungs telling the world to leave me alone!! I hurt and I will deal with my grief in a way that suits me!!! No one will tell me how to grieve or how long to mourn the death of my child.
I will go through my writings and share with the group a piece I wrote about my grief.
Laura
Permalink Reply by Allan on December 2, 2009 at 10:03pm
Thanks Gail. I am pretty sure that I am not grieving correctly - at least according to some other peoples' standard. The problem is I cant do much about it. After all the appropriate expressions of sympathy were made - cards, flowers, gifts to charity in memory of my daughter, etc, then folks moved on. I knew they would. But I can't - not yet.
Permalink Reply by Diana, Grief Recovery Coach on December 4, 2009 at 5:27pm
very powerful, Gail.

Permalink Reply by Charlotte on January 5, 2010 at 5:05pm
I love this Gail because the piece brings me a lot of comfort during this tragic time in my life. My son, Jeremy overdosed on Thanksgiving Day and I still cannot believe that he is gone. I usually mourn on my own time now or with my husband sometimes. I know I will never stop missing him or wondering why or what I could have done to help him but I tried everything and he knew this until his last day. No one really knows how heart-wrenching the loss of a child can be except those of us who have lost one. Thank goodness for this site.
Permalink Reply by Shelly on May 7, 2010 at 9:58pm
dreaded to say I can honestly feel your words here...I could have never put it into words as well as you have! I want to be able to grieve and not be judged by friends and family..My heart will forever ache and this empty spot will always remain and I know I will grieve until I feel better for me! I already know it wont be anytime soon!
Permalink Reply by coachlouise on September 15, 2010 at 5:51pm
thank you for posting this, very moving, very profound, there is no right or wrong way to grieve, an expression of love and pain is as different as each and every snowflake is. We often find through telling our story that it helps another, I feel you have just done this in your words. Coach Louise

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