This was my second Thanksgiving without my husband of 55 years. Today I woke up, and I laid in the bed thinking that my life has no meaning, no joy, and no future. I think it hit me that this is IT! Living alone, aching and longing for my husband's touch, his love, his voice, his smile, his everything. I have been enduring this pain for 13 months now, and I have been thinking that this is what prison must be like. I feel caged up and the walls seem to be closing in; I am alone, lonely, sad, and in despair.
I have made a few nice friends after moving to a smaller house, but nothing and no one seems to fill the void.
I spend most of my time now living in the past trying to remember every year of our marriage, all of the memories we shared, and all of the love we gave to one another.
Reading these posts, I realize how many of us are out there suffering through this grief, and I ask why? What have we done to deserve this? Most of us loved our spouses, raised children, lived a decent, good life, and now this is the reward!
The years left are to be spent living in sadness, and I do not want to go on. Enough is enough! This pain is draining me, and I am becoming someone I don't even recognize anymore. I just want it to end, and if death brings "nothingness", then it will be better than this.
Many of you have found reasons to go on and find peace and happiness, and I am happy for you. I just am not one of them.
To those facing the holidays with despair and dread, I hope you find some peace along the way. Sorry to be such a sad sack! I used to be a happy camper and enjoyed my life so much! I miss that life more than words can say.
