I'm not sure how or what to say.  I lost my husband 11 days ago. It was a complete and total shock.  They say he showed signs of a heart attack but really won't know until they get reports back.    On Oct 16 my husband left home to go clean his truck and go by our office to unload tools and tinker around with his stuff.   I tried calling him and learned he left his phone at home.  I got his phone and saw he had text messages so I read them.

I got angry very angry cause it was from a co-worker who was purchasing drugs for my husband.  I called and confronted this person and even after reading the messages he lied.  I don't know much about the world of drugs but what I do know is he lied.  So now I'm angry at the co-worker.  Since I was so angry I decided to go look for my husband.  I found him and the stuff he purchased but I was to late he was gone. 

My daughter and I had to call the law and it was treated as a crime scene. We was questioned multiple times through out this 3 hour ordeal our office was searched his truck was searched.  I felt like I was the one who had done wrong due to all the questions.  

My husband was a recovering drug addict who had been clean for 10 years.  Now I have all these questions and all this anger that I don't even know what to do.  

If that isn't enough now I have people judging me cause I'm not grieving like I should.

I loved my husband he was a great man not perfect but non of us are but he was mine to love.   

But I still do not know what to do I get all kinds of advice your in shock give it time.  Be angry yell and scream.  I numb I go threw the motions I go to work I go home and stay busy so not to think about it or face reality that he is gone.