Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Oleta Cato on April 2, 2017 at 4:41pm

Maxey,  Know you are not alone.  I wish I weren't such a coward.  A friend is taking me out to dinner tomorrow evening.  If he wouldn't think I am after him I'd ask him to hold me.....to hug me.  Oh God how I miss those hugs. If  I say a word he'll think I want to marry him.  NOPE can't do that.  Very bad week....no, very bad sixty six weeks for me.  I don't know if I want to pull out of it.  What for?

Permalink Reply by Maxey on April 2, 2017 at 6:22pm

Oh, I know the feeling! It would be so nice to have someone hold me and comfort me. Just to lay my head on their shoulder and feel some human touch and closeness. I wish you peace.

Permalink Reply by Susan K on April 2, 2017 at 7:47pm

Hi I am new to this group and I will try not to give the same lame advice I have heard everyday since my husband died... But  Maxey, life is precious whether you are in a relationship or not, although your soulmate has died your love hasn't don't get me wrong I am miserable everyday and am angry as hell that cancer ripped through my life like a tornado and left behind rubble where a normal happy couple once was. But I talked to my husband while he was alive and he wanted me to live my life....I would want him to live as happily as possible. I am honestly not at that point yet, I cant imagine my life without him but I know I will see him again. Weekends are horrible for me as it for all of us who were left behind...yes and I have entered that scary place but had to lift myself right out of it wouldn't be fair to those who love me.....I pray for peace everyday and to find a balance in life for us all! 

Permalink Reply by Kevin Bailey on April 2, 2017 at 8:37pm

Maxey, since cancer has come into my life and ripped my beautiful wife from it I've been in a living hell honestly. No matter what I'm doing I feel a very depressing loneliness and hopeless feeling to name just a few. I just wanna be where my wife is that's it but I also don't wanna take my own life to do it and leave my kids with that pain. A big part of me died when my wife left this earth and I know I'll never be the same again. I called a hotline that supposedly deals with people who are depressed but they've never been in our situation, they're saying what they've been taught to say. I want to talk to a real person and we can cry together cause we understand eachother. That's why I'm just gonna just come here to vent. I hate that we're all experiencing this horrible pain but at least we have eachother.

Permalink Reply by Jerry on April 2, 2017 at 8:42pm

Wow, Maxey, I thought someone was reading my mind and writing it here, I'm on 65 days since my wife's last hug and kiss, so much pain and agony, yet to give in and up would be so wrong, as I feel it would just hurt more people and I have to live this inexplicable horrific pain. My wife was my world, to have her not wake-up with no explanation at just 57 yrs old, ripped my heart to shreds. We had so many dreams and plans and looking forward to growing old together. So many things, this is the price of true love. But please honor his memories and forget those thoughts, we're damn lucky we don't know for a fact that we would be with our loved one after death, if we knew for sure, the world would be even more painful.  

Permalink Reply by morgan on April 2, 2017 at 11:57pm

I would do just about anything to make the pain of missing my husband go away.  I've lasted a long time with this, hoping that I would find something that would make the pain dissolve.  I keep doing but I am not sure how long I am going to be able to withstand the constant grinding of the pieces of my heart.  I know it is a different kind of pain than it was in the beginning (the first couple years) but I am definitely having a continuing hard time getting through hours in days depending on what I am doing.  It's like the universe just keeps tormenting me.  How I wish for all of us there was any way to connect to our beloved.  

Permalink Reply by Oleta Cato on April 3, 2017 at 9:50am

For all of us.  Well, it's Monday and we're still hanging in there.  I'm so sick of crying and crying.  Sick of being so lonesome.  Just plain lonesome and lonesome for my husband.  I honestly don't see any point in life without John.......however it would be the end of my son.  My daughter wouldn't care, she lives in her own world but my son might not make it. If I could see John one more time, even in a dream it would mean the world to me.  I keep thinking he is here in the house.  I think of those lines from Shakespeare:

“When he shall die,
Take him and cut him out in little stars,
And he will make the face of heaven so fine
That all the world will be in love with night
And pay no worship to the garish sun.”     

That was John......

Permalink Reply by Oleta Cato on April 3, 2017 at 9:55am

For John:

"Goodnight Sweet Prince, and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest"  

I'll love you always.

I'm sure wherever you are you know tomorrow is our anniversary.  I love you.

Permalink Reply by Kathleen Jordan on April 4, 2017 at 7:52pm

Beautifully done

Permalink Reply by Maxey on April 4, 2017 at 1:48pm

Beautiful! I have forgotten those lines - those words describe our lost ones.

Permalink Reply by Oleta Cato on April 4, 2017 at 5:10pm

Maxey, et all.  Today is our anniversary.  I have kept his candle burning since I got out of bed.  It says, "For a life beautifully lived and deeply loved".  I can't stop crying.  He was everything in my life. Just to feel his arms around me, holding me tight.  To smell his skin.  I have re-lived his last day on this earth almost daily.  Especially on Sunday's.  I somehow manage to hang on but I wonder why.  I had an appt. this a.m.  I got into my car and held John's shirt to my face and cried.  Can't drive and cry can I!  Nothing will make the pain dissolve.  After my friend took me to dinner last night we came back here & watched the basketball game.  When he left I dearly wanted to ask him to hug me.  I know he would have thought I was after him as I wrote earlier and I'm not.  I could have closed my eyes and pretended it was my John.  I couldn't ask him.  It would have felt good.  Someone said "Happy Anniversary" to me.  I know they meant well...I just smiled and kept quiet.  Couldn't spoil things by saying...."is it?"  I love you John...Sweet Prince.

Permalink Reply by Jerry on April 4, 2017 at 7:23pm

Your goodness will always be there, Hug to you.

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