Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by bluebird on August 13, 2016 at 3:50pm

I feel exactly as you do. I'm sorry you are in this hell too.

Permalink Reply by Keri on August 13, 2016 at 4:03pm

It truly does feel like hell

Permalink Reply by Mary Jane on August 14, 2016 at 11:49am

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my husband suddenly in June. I feel so lost and miss him so much!

Permalink Reply by Angela renteria on August 15, 2016 at 11:59pm

I am sorry for your loss . I feel the same way ..... cheated of a life we could have had. I wanted to grow old with him . I feel like those close to me just don't understand. I have even had people say to me well your still young and you will find someone else. I don't want anyone else . I am lonely that is true but I am lonely for my husband. I would give anything to kiss him to hear his voice to turn over in my bed and see him there. Now it's just a empty pillow where he once lied. I hate this I am angry and sad all at the same time. I don't feel as there is anything to look forward to and honestly I only live for my children. They are young but if they were adults I would pray for the end.

Permalink Reply by Lisa on August 16, 2016 at 2:17am

I am so, so sorry for your loss of your husband.  I lost my husband in January and feel the same as you, cheated on the opportunity to grow old together....and like I'm living in a dream, or rather a never ending nightmare. We had so many plans for the future.  So many.  I go to sleep every night wishing I would wake up from this hell but I never do.  I wake up alone and afraid for the future, every day is a struggle to make it through, but for some reason I always make it.  Then it's just back to sleep again and on to another terrible day.

Permalink Reply by kathleen akin on August 17, 2016 at 3:59pm

I feel cheated too, even though we were already kind of old when we married 10 years ago. Now what? I will be 60 my next birthday...what to do? Go out, find some guy, start over? I just hate the idea of it. Seems like such a bother. I want Rocky.

So sorry for your loss of your husband. I think everyone here knows how you feel. The angry thing is a big one for me too.

Permalink Reply by Trina Mamoon on August 29, 2016 at 2:20pm

Hello Keri,

I am so sorry for your irreparable loss. Losing one's soulmate is one of the most painful of all human experiences. Your husband was 39 and you are 37. That's cruel and so unfair! You should have had many decades together.  

I lost my beloved husband Joseph to lung cancer two years ago, and I'm only too familiar with the pain, the unspeakable grief, and the feeling of deep depression. All of us who are unfortunate to be on this site also know this hell that you are facing now. You have my deepest sympathy.

Even though it's been two years--4th August--I still feel cheated. Joseph was 49 when he passed. The pain isn't as acute as it was the first year, but it is ever present. My first thought everyday as I wake up is Joseph is no longer here, and everyday I continue to pray for my life to end soon. We don't have children, so I don't need to stay alive for anyone, maybe for my siblings...

I have no words of wisdom to impart to you, so I am sending you good thoughts for peace and healing. 

Take care, Trina

Permalink Reply by kathleen akin on August 30, 2016 at 12:36pm

You are still in shock. Do not be surprised if you do the crying and hurting after a few months.  I think I was in shock at first and a part of me was relieved because Rocky's suffering was over. That lasted for a while and felt very weird.

Then the sorry kicked in and I'm dealing with that now.  Everywhere I go I think "the last time I was here with Rocky..." and "what if I knew then it would be the last time...for this for that?"

I'm inconsolable. Nothing anyone says helps. No one understands and I don't care. I don't want to be here on this stupid earth without Rocky. He was my everything. He always will be.

I think even if I should meet someone else, they will never compare so it doesn't feel fair to do that to someone. I don't know...

I have noticed 5 months from Rocky's death, that 5 months seems to be too long for people to tolerate.  I should be done by now. But I'm not done. I'm only getting started. At least that's how it feels.

I am so sorry for your loss. I DO understand. To lose a spouse is an awful thing, especially if it's too soon, or they are too young

Permalink Reply by Vicki on September 4, 2016 at 10:14pm

Keri. I am so sorry for your loss and feel just like most on here. No words of wisdom helped me, so sorry I have none to share. I just live for my kids and the only person I can talk to who understands me without judging is my therapist. So you may want to seek one out to let loose on your feelings. Peace and love, Vicki