Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Kimberly on October 14, 2016 at 12:20pm

I have been sleeping with the help of Benadryl, last night was the first time I didn't take it and I woke up regularly in my thoughts, playing it over and over it my head, the day I found him. It's like my brain doesn't work right anymore. People talk and I don't hear them or I don't remember or I just want them to shut up to be honest.

Permalink Reply by Kimberly on October 14, 2016 at 12:21pm

and hugs right back!

Permalink Reply by CJ Moore on October 14, 2016 at 12:05pm

I am so sorry for your loss Kimberly. It really does feel like the twilight zone at time, even almost 11 months later. I have always considered myself a strong person, but the loss of my husband has knocked me to my knees. Although I do not have any magic words, I can tell you what has 'helped' me with my profound grief. I attend an in person bereavement support group, I am included in a couple of online groups, I talk about my husband every single day, I sing at the top of my lungs in the car when I am alone, I read, I zone out on online word games, I go to church weekly so I have 45 minutes of uninterrupted time, I force myself to meet up with friends (very, extremely hard but we have a 17 year old son who is active in so many sports). None of 'this' is what I want to do, but I do it anyway because, quite frankly, I really don't have much choice. Please continue to share your thoughts, feelings, writings. It 'helps'. Also know that you are not alone; we are hear to listen, cry, share, pray. Whatever you need, I feel like people who are part of these groups get it.

Permalink Reply by Kimberly on October 14, 2016 at 12:40pm

I have been looking into local groups to attend. I am a very private person so I thought this would be easier to start with. I find myself trying to fill the time and my mind with work, projects, and things and my friends have been taking me out. Some friends seem to be uncomfortable even when I just want to share memories in a moment that I suddenly remember. 

Permalink Reply by Elynn m on October 15, 2016 at 9:01pm

Kimberly,   I am so sorry for your sudden loss.   I lost my husband of 41 years,  a year ago in september.    Hopefully you have family around to help you.  And friends also.   I found that even though we had lots of friends together, many of them will shy away (because they do not know what to say.)  But it will only take one friend to help you through this.   One close friend can sometimes be more of a comfort than ten aquaintences.    Stay close to family if possible.   You made a wise choice by joining the group.   You can feel free to express needs.

Permalink Reply by Kimberly on October 17, 2016 at 9:54am

Thank you Elynn...that is so true, I do have one friend who is beside me no matter what, whatever kind of moment I am having she is there to listen and be there.

Permalink Reply by 2zrvrr54q0c9w on October 16, 2016 at 1:37am

Hi Kimberly.

Just read your post.  I lost my spouse of near 14 years in April.  I can tell you, its not easy, as you are learning/finding out.  Two weeks isn't even enough time to process the loss, let alone look for new direction and paths.

I will tell you however, that in my own experience, I did the one thing nobody should ever do, and that is to try to drown your pain & sorrow in alcohol.  I finally crawled out of a Brandy bottle after 4 months, only to find that I hadn't solved a thing.  Now, a couple of months later, I am thinking clearer, and can actually face each day with renewed hope that there is something for me here.  I have came to conclusions that I couldn't before, and are making new plans and looking at starting over, again, trying to live as she would have wanted me to, or expected me to anyway.

Yes, I do still have those moments, and the tears still come unexpectedly, but I am learning that this is a natural occurrence.  I do not know your age, nor do I need to.  But try to look at life ahead from time to time, and the pathway will become clearer.

Take care of yourself.  Eat, exercise, go out to see friends & family.  Keep yourself healthy, and try to keep an open mind, and open heart.  Let your spirit guide you, and for sure don't try to live up to others expectations.  Better times will come, but only if you let them.

Permalink Reply by Kimberly on October 17, 2016 at 9:58am

yes, I have been drinking at night and I am not a big drinker. That and benadryl has helped me sleep. I am trying to stop that and the last few nights have just toaken a benadryl to help me sleep.  I am hoping this place will be an outlet for me to express what I am feeling and going through as no one around me seems to get it. 

Permalink Reply by ShingingLight1967 on October 16, 2016 at 9:13pm

Hi Kimberly,

I am so sorry for your loss.. and completely understand where you are.  It's been almost 10 months, and I still just want to sleep. Just sleep.

In the weeks after I lost my husband (he died of a heart attack as well) I did nothing but sleep, drink too much, smoke too much and just tried to function.  Figures, the week he passed, we were just starting construction on our house to repair some water damage  and I had to figure that all out without a brain.  No I didnt, and still dont have a brain.

Two weeks is so soon.  Please just take care of yourself.  Sleep when you want, scream when you want, cry all you want.  Be numb.  No one can expect (and neither should you) for you to do anything different. 

About 3 months after after the loss of my husband, I discovered an audio CD from Sandra Champlain about grief that helped, because it explained what my brain was actually going through. It helped to make me feel, I wasnt crazy.  Between that and therapy...  I was able to understand a little more of what my brain/body was doing.

Just know...  that everything you are experiencing is exactly where you should be and dont let anyone tell you any different.

((hugs))

Permalink Reply by Kimberly on October 17, 2016 at 10:09am

It is so good to talk to people who understand, I am so sorry for all of your losses. I felt as if I was losing my mind, you are making me feel as if maybe yes, I am losing my mind....but it's normal and I will make it through....

Most people just want to hear.. I'm ok when they asked how I am...but I'm not

I will do one one therapy as well I believe, but I don't think I am ready for that just yet.

Most of his immediate family are treating me as if I never existed in his life. I can't control their actions and can only respect and honor him, but it hurts that they would only think about what they want not what his wishes are and would be. Maybe they are just looking for someone to blame.. I don't know...

Permalink Reply by Kimberly on October 17, 2016 at 10:42am

You are right and my reaction is not to react. I have to focus on my son and I and what we need to keep going day by day. His son also knows I am here for him whatever he needs so that is all I can worry about right now. 

I still can't believe this is real and he is no longer here...

Permalink Reply by Kimberly on October 17, 2016 at 12:13pm

Do you talk to him?

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