No one seems to remember

Stay social, they say.  Keep in touch with your "support". Don't let others tell you what to    say or think.   Sounds great, and sometimes it actually works. Tonight I went out to hopefully see people that could be there to "help" with my life issues that are happening[today was very stressful and full of anxiety]. Also, I knew I'd see people that know us both. 

I was totally blown away by the non-acknowledgement of him.  It felt like he didn't even ever exist tonight.  Friends that had known him before I even did...and....nothing.  "How are you doing?", but, they didn't really want an answer. I don't know how to deal with this aspect of it.  I am so frustrated and hurt.  He is always with me.  I even talked to him at lunch today.  How can he matter so little to others when he was my world?  

We do have friends that know...we rode motorcycle, and I have friends that want his patch for their vests...that's the biker "we love you". But  one or two out of all the friends he had?  And I am supposed to just keep going......

These reactions make it harder to do that.  I remember, I miss him every second of every day,  and I still need him in my life.....Few others seem to get that.    Just lost right now.   I  still have to go to work tomorrow and be "normal".  It's so difficult.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Linda Engberg on April 4, 2017 at 8:20am

Hi Kathleen,

It has been four years since I lost my wonderful and soulmate Julian, I don't even bring his name up anymore because nobody feels comfortable talking about him. Thank God for my therapist, I have been seeing her three years and I can pour my heart out to her and am never judged by my feelings. I still am lost after 4 years and I will be until the day I die.

Linda

 

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Permalink Reply by Kathleen Jordan on April 4, 2017 at 8:14pm

Thank you.   I was looking over advice from my widowed friends, and one talked about  living life....I understood...when someone commits suicide, it's so much harder on the person left behind.  But when people try to "set me up"....sorry, no.    My heart is with someone forever, and my mind and body is not ready for intrusion yet

Permalink Reply by Jerry on April 5, 2017 at 8:24am

Ughh, seems so common, but I'm guessing, as it's all I have, as I too experience this that I have only found people that have experience the "same" can respond the others are ignorant of it all, and some just never had the relationship "we've" us here with our spouse/significant others. I have actually been questioned by a "friend" acquaintance when the realized my feelings, as "well how long were you married?", as if I had to justify my feelings!!! ughhh. So, I figure it like this, 1), not experienced enough to respond correctly, or 2), not loved the way we were to respond correctly.  I have seen people I expected more out of to shy away, almost like a fear of the plaque... I think most of us would agree, we too probably "skipped out" on friends and family "before our day". No one can be sorry enough, and the sorrow fixes nothing either, but we keep going. We become the toughest we've ever been, and thought we could ever be. Normal really sucks,. Breathe it out and keep going, it's all I got too. Memories will not drown in tears. Take care.

Permalink Reply by Kathleen Jordan on April 11, 2017 at 7:49pm

It's  getting better....I am finding that if I stand up for what I am feeling, people around me are better about it; they almost loosen up.  Thank you for your input.

Permalink Reply by Jon-Paul Ackerman on April 12, 2017 at 10:37am
Kathleen this is how it is and will get worse. When u realize that all you have is self and Him, then u can move on and have fun making Him proud. Don't expect ppl to care. It's going on three years for me and it gets progressively worse so we need to get progressively stronger.
Permalink Reply by Kathleen Jordan on April 23, 2017 at 10:11pm

And now I am trying to get my folks to move in with me. They are staying here because  their house got contaminated with mold. I thank my hunny because the house is already set up for them because of him,and it has been helpful to me to call them like I used to  call him about hat they need.  The spirits that are gave him a reason to put me through what he did...I just hope it works.   It is helping me get through every day,  but still tough.

On another note, I have seen some of my widowed friends stepping back from what  they had done...normal is not found yet.

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