Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Linda Martin Warner on June 5, 2015 at 8:59pm

Darlene, I think it is much harder when you lose your spouse suddenly.  There are always what ifs but don't beat yourself up.  This is the time to be kind to yourself and only do what feels right for you.

Permalink Reply by Debra Alexander on June 5, 2015 at 10:13pm

I agree, my husband died suddenly as well, it has only been a few months, it's difficult

Permalink Reply by Richard G on June 6, 2015 at 8:41am

Darlene, I'm so sorry for your loss. We all know how hard it is to lose a spouse. I doubt that there is anything you could have done if you were home. I hope that you keep coming back to this site. This is the one place I found where people understand the depth of pain we experience when we lose a spouse. Sending hugs and prayers.

Permalink Reply by Angela on June 14, 2015 at 10:16pm

My husband died suddenly of a heart attack..he was home alone. I pray to God he did not suffer. The shock lingers, the disbelief....it's hard to fathom. I cry a lot every day. It takes all the energy I have to do the bare minimum. I barely get through my work day. I pray for all of our losses that we may find strength to continue our lives and find comfort somehow.

Permalink Reply by Vicki jefferson on June 16, 2015 at 9:45pm

darlene, i understand what u are going through. my husband had a massive heart attack on march 1st. we were at home. we also had custody of our 3 grandchildren. i cry all the time too. i thought as time went on thing's would get better but they have'nt. i know time heals all wound's. but its hard when you love someone so much

Permalink Reply by Steve Suehiro on July 1, 2015 at 12:13pm

Darlene I am so sorry to hear about your husband.  My wife passed unexpectedly at age 36 in bed last August sometime after I left for work from an accidental overdose of medication. She usually woke up in the morning to give me a kiss before I left, but that morning she did not and was snoring away in bed.  I was running late that morning and did not want to disturb her by waking her up.  Had I taken the time to do so I likely would have realized something was wrong.

I still miss her deeply and am trying my best to adjust to this life without her.  Even though close to 11 months have passed since, I still am grappling with intense feelings of loneliness.  My feelings of guilt that had I done something different that morning I might have been able to save her life still persist.  Grief therapy has been a great help to me to cope with these feelings.  

I see that it has been a very short time for you since you lost your husband.  I cannot imagine how you must feel right now.  For me I know that when I was where you are now after my loss, I was inconsolable.  I have no clue how I survived that very dark time, but somehow I did.  

People say a lot of stupid and unhelpful things after someone passes away.  I know that there is nothing that I can say that can make you feel better.  The one thing that I will say is that for me time has made it easier for me to become accustomed to the hole in my heart and the chronic pain from this wound that I will bear forever that will never completely heal - I never thought that I would make it through the darkness and get to a place where I can taste food again,  smile and laugh again and have moments of happiness.  Though I won't ever stop loving my wife and will not ever stop missing her, I now know that I can carry this burden and live on. 

Someone here on this page told me that he would rather carry the burden of losing his wife instead of having her carry the burden of losing him - that it was his privilege to take the pain so that she did not have to experience it.  It made a lot of sense to me and made me look at my situation from a different perspective. 

For me,  I believe that my wife would be so upset if she was cause of so much pain and sorrow for me. So as a matter of duty and in honor of her very short life, I feel that it is my obligation to continue living as best as I can and not give up. 

Please know that you are not alone in this difficult time.  Like it or not, we are all in the same boat riding the same waves.  This makes us all kindred spirits of a sort.

Take care of yourself.