If you have seen my other posts, I too have experienced this sudden crazy loss out of the blue. My husband was the most involved loving devoted father and husband. No one else I knew had a husband that was as involved in every aspect of our kids lives. You must still be that person for your child. It is enough to live for your kids, because this becomes a very deep and meaningful purpose during this lifetime. What else is there? I started to think of life as experiences, and this sudden loss was not one that I thought I would ever have. But I also got to experience the complete devotion and love of a wonderful human being. It was cut short, but I got to know this. So many people I have met over the years were divorced and hated their ex. I had 26 years of love, support, and devotion, and someone who was my husband/brother/father/twin/my whole partner in every way. He gave me my kids. Your wife gave you the great present of your child. So many people never experience this kind of love, and we have. We have to find something good, however tiny, in every day, and say we had that, and not compare to what we should have had, because that will only diminish our ability to help our kids. It really is looking at life completely differently. It does make me feel kind of crazy, swimming into nothingness. I have been told that having spent 26 years of my life with one person, my brain is actually physically changing to adjust to these new circumstances. I cry every day, and that can't be good for my brain either. I am trying to take good vitamins and eat decently, because I feel I must be alright for my kids. The hardest step and the most necessary, and what hits every morning, is acceptance. This is our life, and if we see something for 2 seconds a day that is beautiful or special, or miraculous, then that 2 seconds has to be enough. Perhaps there will be 4 seconds of that one day. Perhaps all of the people this has never happened to don't know that each day we get is a gift. I never knew this before.
