I will never be the same

God bless all of you. Your stories and words are exactly what I am feeling. I lost my boyfriend of 9 years 4 weeks ago yesterday. You are right. The pain is getting worse. The first week or so I was still expecting him back then as time goes by and he is still not here the pain deepens because I have to start realizing that he is not coming home. I don't want to believe it and I completely fall apart. This can happen anytime of the day and it doen'5 matter where I am at. Time does stop at that moment but everyone else is moving on and I am stuck,still waiting for him because I can't go on without him. He died suddenly of a heart attack in my arms also. I am glad he didn't die alone or with anyone else. Although it happened so fast he never woke up. I didn't get to tell him so many things and he couldn't tell me what he wanted me to do. He was my everything. Everything I did was for him or about him. I am so lost and confused and most of all so very sad. He took my happiness with him when he left so what's the point. I don't feel like doing anything but if I don't then I will cry all day like I did on my birthday just 2 weeks later. I will never snap out of this. It will always be a part of me. Not much to look forward to. Like all of you, we weren't done yet.

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Permalink Reply by Kia on June 18, 2015 at 7:31am
Hi Erin I'm Kia I feel the same way my wife died on June 5 th and it's like it's not real she was and still is everything to me. She died in her sleep I just keep wishing I had one more day , i just want to kiss her one more time . I know the pain is constant but we have to find a way to live with it and I don't know how to do that maybe as the days go by we ll figure it out. I ll pray that God gives us all strength.
Permalink Reply by Erin on June 18, 2015 at 7:49pm
Hi Kia
I wish for 1 more, 5 more minutes any time I could have with him. I can't sleep without him and all I want to do is sleep so at least I can have him in my dreams. I wake up in the morning and cry. This house is dead. He was always in a good mood in the morning and brought happiness to everyone here. Everyone loved him. He had that aurora about him. Everyone he knew had a story to tell about how he helped them. He is really missed by everyone he knew. I don't think this pain will ever get better. I can't see myself being with anyone else. I just want him. Just 1 more time I want to put my arms around him, one more time to lay my head on his chest. We never went anywhere without a kiss goodbye except this time. My heart is so shattered in so many pieces I don't think I can put it back together. He was the rest of my life man. What am I supposed to do now?
Thanks for listening to my tears. It does help to put these feelings out. My mind is so jumbled with all this hurt and this helps to kinda put it in some kind of order.
Permalink Reply by Steve Suehiro on June 30, 2015 at 5:20pm

Sorry to hear that you experienced this too Kia.   I lost my wife unexpectedly August 8, 2014.  It's been a difficult time since then and even now a little short of 11 months after she died I still struggle with intense feelings of loneliness and sorrow.  I expect that I will forever. 

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