Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Denise Lavoie on April 17, 2016 at 6:33pm

Hi Deborah, I can relate to you.My husband passed away April 4th.I never imagine that I could cry so much.People say crying is good  but it certainly does not feel good.My husband had a stroke in 2013.He got through that fine till he had other symptoms.We spent a lot time in the hospital getting answers for all that was happening to him.It was very scary and exuasting .He did suffer a lot .His level of care was getting more than what I could handle.He told me where he wanted to go.I said ok.I started praying with all of my heart I said  God please take my husband home to heaven.Right after that his symptoms got worse.We were working with hospice they were great.We made my husband comfortable and stayed  by his side.It was a beautiful experience.He looked up his eyes wide open and then he let go and went to be with the Lord.I understand how you feel.People who have experience loosing someone they love will understand others will not know what to say or how to act.It's not their fault.I have been crying since April 4th. Take it one minute at a time .

Denise 

Permalink Reply by O.L. Cato on May 3, 2016 at 5:23pm

I saw THAT date, it jumped out at me & I had to read your letter.

My husband died 18 weeks ago.  His B'day was the  first day of Spring, our wedding Anniv. was on April 4th.

I still think this horror is a  bad dream.  I saw him die but some part of my brain says that it isn't real.  He WILL come back.

People who have not lost a spouse say they understand my grief.  I know they are trying to be kind but unless a person has lost their "other half" they have no idea.

God bless us all.

Permalink Reply by Steve Suehiro on May 3, 2016 at 11:26am

Deborah,  I am so sorry that you are going through what most of us here believe is the worst thing that can ever happen to anyone. 

For me it has been a little over a year and a half since my wife passed.  The first few months were the hardest and most darkest period I ever had in my life.  At that time I had no idea how I was going to survive from day to day, let alone make it a whole year or beyond with her. I must say that I am as surprised as anyone else that I did.  To be honest, I have no real idea as to how I made it without dying myself.   I did try my best to avoid the landmines which surround folks who have lost their spouses, had to pay out of pocket for counseling sessions  which I could barely afford but was worth every penny. And when things got really bad I did not hesitate to reach out to family and friends. 

Please know that you can and will survive this time, like I did.  That I was able to survive my loss is in no way unusual or unique - this site is filled with others who understand our loss on a unique level that others in the world just cannot.

I wish that there was some secret special advice that I could give to you about recovering from this, but there simply is not and it would be rather presumptive of me to think that I had some special answer given that I am not completely through this myself either. It really sucks to go through this - that is the simple and plain truth - but in those moments that it felt for me to be unbearable and unworkable the feedback of the folks here on these pages gave me a small measure of hope and reminded me that the only way out is through, but there was indeed a way through that would lead me out.

Take care of yourself.

Permalink Reply by Deborah Bailey on May 3, 2016 at 12:30pm

Hi Steve,
So sorry for your loss. Thank you for your words.It does help when you can talk to people who understand what you are going through. I go to work all day not really taking notice of what is going on around me. I hate to hear people enjoying themselves, I know that is really selfish but why can't they be going through what we're going through. I love my husband more that I love life itself, I lived for him. It's twelve weeks on Sunday and I don't know how I've got through that let alone a year and a half. I just want to be with him. We have three children that is the only thing that is keeping me going.When I leave home I just can't wait to get back to be near to what we had together.
Take care