Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Sheryl Kep on May 7, 2016 at 9:14pm

Jill, i cant offer you much except solidarity, im also feeling like i am alone without hope. But, im happy to be an ear, im in Australia so maybe the time differences can help

Permalink Reply by CJ Moore on May 8, 2016 at 6:20am

Dear Jill, I know your pain. My husband died on November 14, 2015. Our circumstances were different, we knew he was ill but I know I would have never been ready to say goodbye. My road has been bumpy to say the least - a lot of anger in the early months and I expect it may come back in spurts. What has 'helped' is attending a bereavement support group. In the earlier months, the only thing I knew for sure was that I would be going to my meeting each Wednesday night. To listen to others, cry, and share my own pain helped, even when I didn't know it. Sharing with those 'in the same boat' has helped. Please take comfort in knowing that you are not alone. Even though you are the one who's husband has died, we are here to listen to whatever you want to share.

Permalink Reply by O.L. Cato on May 8, 2016 at 9:55am

Jill,  Today makes 19 weeks since my husband's death.  I can't sleep in our room either.  I sit in his chair and I feel close to him.  I have given a good portion of his  clothing and shoes away.  There are some things I cannot part with.  I worry that he will come home and ask where his clothes are.  I know he is gone, I have his ashes.   I cannot spread them yet, still a big part of me thinks this is a prank and he will come home.  If I didn't think that, I'd have to be committed.  His terry cloth robe still hangs on a hook by the shower.  He is here in spirit.  I never thought he would leave me. If I had thought about it, I'd have thought we would go together.  I talk to him and pray that he hears me.  I was a lucky woman to have a husband who loved me as much as he did.

Permalink Reply by Dail on May 15, 2016 at 1:45am

Jill,

It's day 76 since I found my wife of 20 years had passed away during the night of a heart attack. It was completely unexpected. We spent the day before shopping for new living room furniture. The paramedics pronounced her at the house. She was only 38. They wouldn't let me or our children see her to say good by. The autopsy ruined any option of seeing her or having an open casket. What I would give to have a moment to hold her hand, see her blue eyes, caress her cheek, smell her beautiful hair. She would talk forever at night and I would fall asleep listening. It wasn't because I didn't want to hear what she had to say. It was because hearing her voice would make all my stress melt away. When I was upset she would tell me it'll be alright. Saying good by would not make it alright but I would give almost anything to hear her voice again. Even if it was to say good by.

Permalink Reply by Karen Ayres on May 15, 2016 at 7:14am

Oh how my heart breaks for everyone that has lost there special love I'm myself coming into 18months since I lost my sweetheart and to tell anyone that it gets easier is a lie I cry still out of the blue and wish my days were over its just so sad and lonely wish there were people to connect with I live in Adelaide even a friend to talk some days would be a blessing I miss you forever darling

Permalink Reply by O.L. Cato on May 15, 2016 at 8:10am

It's 20 weeks today since HE died.  How I have managed to live for this time without him is something I will never know.  I know he is dead, I watched him die.  I have his ashes, am unable to do as he wished with them yet.  Still, there is a part of my brain that KNOWS this is a dream and he will walk through the front door any time. The idea that I will never again see him in this life is excruciating. Karen, my heart breaks for you.....as it breaks for all of us.  I love you John, now and forever.

Permalink Reply by Mel Royer on May 15, 2016 at 9:00am

I didn't consider that the first anniversary sting would continue unabated, but it has.  I cannot tolerate this pain much longer. It drills deep into my soul and continues to escalate. Each day, I awake again to a new level of pain. I continue to break down, continuously, unexpectedly and the most horrible kind of loneliness is always there. There to remind me I have lost my soul mate, my best friend, my irreplaceable partner. The truth is, I wish someone would kill me, NOW!  There is no becoming accustomed to, learning to live with or escaping this hell. This is for the remainder of my years...the long haul,  until I see her again!  I would have to be a fool to imagine otherwise. This will never go away. That is what I must come to understand, but never learn to live with.  God help us all....Protect our loved ones and keep them safe until we join them at your behest.

Permalink Reply by Mel Royer on May 15, 2016 at 9:21am

Jill, I can understand your great loss. April 29th of last year at 9:05am (Yes! I remember the minutes) I was holding my lady in my arms when she suddenly fell limp. I looked at her aide and screamed...."Call 911", I knew I had lost her.  Eyes half open, mouth open and no breath at all. The EMT's came and checked her and stated, "There is no heartbeat, do you want us to resuscitate". It seemed like an eternity before I could utter that horrible word, "No!", After all it had been 10 minutes since the call and their arrival. I fell to my knees on our carport landing. I kept repeating "No" but now, for a different reason. I re-entered the bedroom and sat with my bride. As the ice cold quiet filled the room,  a cinquain poem I had read years before ran across my mind, It is entitled "Triad"...

These be

Three silent things:

The falling snow. .

the hour Before the dawn

the mouth of one just dead!

it was then, I broke down, inconsolable and held her tightly, realizing my lady was really...gone! I relive that morning every day when I wake. This is my hell! I pray that each of us finds some small bit of comfort as time goes by until we are rejoined with our other half in a better place. 

Permalink Reply by Mary on June 12, 2016 at 9:29am

Oh Mel my heart breaks for you as I feel your pain. My husband passed away 7 weeks ago and the pain I feel is unbearable. You described perfectly how I feel. My husband was my soul mate, my best friend, and we loved each other so much. It is hard each day each morning.