Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Kevin Bailey on March 14, 2017 at 10:03pm

Maxey I was the same way, I would feel sorry for them and say my peace and move on with my happy life. I know realize the hell they are in cause I'm in the same damn one with them. There's like 40% of me that wants to be here just for my kids and the other 60% wouldn't be mad if I was to die tomorrow. Wherever she is that's where I want to be. Nobody really wants to hear us talk about our loved ones because they don't wanna feel that close to death or talk about it. I'm just existing until I'm finally free from this misery. The cruelest thing you could do to a person is let them fall in love with another person and create beautiful memories throughout the years all to have it all snatched away from you in an instant.

Permalink Reply by Maxey on March 15, 2017 at 3:20pm

I agree, Kevin. My percentages are going up every day on the subject of leaving this place, and, hopefully, joining my husband. I am at a point where I want to go no matter what is waiting. Just being released of this pain would be such a relief.
We are in agreement about falling in love again since I know that I could never forget my husband.
We all are weathering this storm hoping for just a little sunlight occasionally.

Permalink Reply by Trina Mamoon on March 15, 2017 at 4:04am

Hello Maxey,

First of all, I am so very sorry for the loss of your husband! On this site we understand what it means to lose your spouse, your life partner ad friend. Like you and Kevin Bailey, I find most people with whom I come into contact with not wanting to hear or know of my ongoing grief. It's been more than two and half years since the love of my life, my husband, Joseph, lost his battle to cancer.

Recently, my siblings have been telling that I need to let go and start living again. They have absolutely no clue as to what it feels like to lose your beloved spouse. My brother even told me that I am not the first widow and nor the last, so I should move on with my life. I had no words to say. It was too deep and too involved to make a proper reply. And even if I had, he wouldn't have understood anyway. He said these things at his good friend's memorial. He told me I was being a victim, a martyr, and melodramatic. I know he was reacting to grief himself, but it's terrible that I had to be at the receiving end of his anger that is a result of his grief.

We members on this forum belong to a group/club that unless you are one of us, there's no way of comprehending the deep sense of loss, the unspeakable pain, and despair we experience every waking moment. As far as I am concerned, I would be happy of I were to die tomorrow and go join Joseph. We don't have any children. My siblings would survive if I were to die tomorrow. It would be hard at the beginning, but they'll move on after a little while.

Tomorrow March 15th is Joseph's birthday. He would have been 52. Needless to say, it's going to be a hardship facing his birthday.

I am deeply sorry for the losses of all the members on this site. Peace to you all.

Permalink Reply by Oleta Cato on March 15, 2017 at 8:25am

Maxey,  It's the same here.  My children won't even talk of their father.  They stop me.  If it's too much for them to hear, can they only imagine what it is for me?  They adored their Dad.  If I start to mention his name it's a bad thing.  In the 14 months since John has been gone, our son has cried in front of me twice and it brought him to his knees.  My daughter is like a board.  I need to talk, think, write about him.  He lived, he was.  Neighbor's are afraid.  Afraid  it will happen to them.  I have a new group of widowed friends.  We all lost our spouses about the same time and we meet, have dinner or lunch, play cards and laugh and shed tears.  My cousin had lost her husband and she called me from out of state each night for three months.  These things kept my sanity, so far.  People here, close to me are no help at all.  They will have their day of grief and I honestly don't know if I will treat them as they have treated me or if I will treat them as I would love to have been treated.  Time will tell.

Permalink Reply by M Adams on March 15, 2017 at 8:33pm

I think if you felt sorry, expressed your concern for someone's bereavement, sent cards or baked, you all did so much to help -- more than most people do, and I'm sure it helped. Of course now that we are the ones who have lost a beloved partner, we see, in a way that we did not see before, how terrible that reality is. However, I know from my own earlier experiences that it is rare now for people to receive visits or letters of condolence, or thoughtful gifts of home baked goods, after a death in the family. Many people just feel 'I don't know what to say' and distance themselves from the bereaved. I understand this particularly now, because i can tell that I am not very pleasant company, and really don't feel able to be sociable. But the kindnesses I have received, especially letters, have been and are so appreciated.

Permalink Reply by Kathleen Jordan on March 17, 2017 at 8:37pm

I so agree with  you that my understanding has increased tenfold.  What bothers me is when I discuss Scottie with others, and I start to well up, they often say, "You're going to make me cry."  Like I'm not already crying.  I need to talk about him and miss him out loud.  It's okay to talk about someone when they're across country, but, God forbid you should mention someone that has left this world. It's been 5 months for me now, and I am getting stronger in continuing my conversations instead of stopping when others get emotional. I think the sadness they deal with is their own.  Yes, I'm sad, but I am remembering him with a happy heart.  I miss him terribly, but I also feel him with me almost all of the time.   It helps to be able to discuss him and laugh and cry.

Permalink Reply by Oleta Cato on March 18, 2017 at 7:48am

Kathleen and all,  It's been almost 15 months since my husband died and it's a rare time that I can talk about John or even think about him without crying....without tears flowing.  Like you, I need to talk about him.   He existed, he will always be remembered by me and always in my heart.  I cry just as deeply as I did a year ago.  No one wants to hear his name....none of my family.  I feel he is just around the corner waiting for me.  It gives me joy to speak of him.  God bless.