I seem to go back and forth being in deep sorrow to being absolutely angry. Today I woke up absolutely angry again.
Since my husband died suddenly, there was nothing in place. No will, no living trust, no savings, no documents on how to handle things. I always go on his case about it since he rode a motorcycle (and had a bad crash a couple of years ago) that he needed to put things into place. He put it off. But can you blame him? He was only 44-45 at the time.
I didnt even know what his advance directives were, so those few days with him on life support were nothing but a nightmare. I didnt know what his wishes were and the only reason why I made the decision I did was because from where I sat, there was no life left in him. He was being kept alive by machines.
In that aftermath, I have been left with trying to figure everything out, and it has been a nightmare. And I get angry that he left me like this.
Oh, I know, this is not what he wanted, but it still doesnt change the fact that here I am left cleaning up his mess. And while, I know he didnt want to pass away, the fact is that I asked him over and over to get this stuff in order because he did have health issues and he did ride motorcycles.
Even I have a hand written will with advance directives.
My thought this morning was that if there is an "afterlife"- he is there without a care and I am stuck here picking up the pieces.
How is that fair?
