Comment

Comment by michael sandoval on February 8, 2011 at 9:54pm

Just found out my mom is showing signs of dementia. Has not been a good day. Really miss Denise now.

Comment by michael sandoval on February 8, 2011 at 9:51am

Saying I am overwhelmed with sadness is an understatement. Saying that I miss Denise does explain how I feel. I don't just "miss" her. I miss who she was, the things we did, our times together, our sharing everything, it's difficult to explain. And when these things enter my mind, intense sadness and emotional episodes follow.

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on February 8, 2011 at 12:39am

the sadness really gets you down....its just "there".....death is really really difficult, and thats an understatement

Comment by michael sandoval on February 7, 2011 at 10:11pm

I have found that I can only do something if I can somehow link it to Denise. Either something she liked, in her memory, or like that and still the sadness is overwhelming

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on February 7, 2011 at 9:09pm

sorry for your loss....my mom's birthday is coming soon too....I wish she had made that milestone, she would have been 80

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on February 7, 2011 at 9:07pm

I understand Tabatha, you just want to get away from the loss, but when you are with that person for so long, it just stays with you....I know I am not helping matters by that remark, just saying I DEFINITELY know what you mean....without a doubt....for me, I havent been thinking about mom as much lately, its almost like I am beginning to forget her, and I dont want to feel that intense emotional pain either, but I dont like the feeling of just almost not remembering her or having her close to me.....I have had other focuses so thats probably why

Comment by Tabatha K. on February 7, 2011 at 6:49pm

Today would be my Pop's 57th birthday. I have put 2/7/1954 as the date on EVERYTHING today. It seemed to be some kind of game I was playing w/ myself. I hear that time heals all wounds but I guess I am gonna test that theory. :( I am still reminded EVERY stinkin' day of the loss.

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on February 6, 2011 at 11:06pm

I also have alot of my mom's things....her favorite blanket, and this might be weird it still smells like her, and somewhat its comforting, but it can be haunting some too....I have alot of her things, but they dont affect me much....the blanket does though, I have it on the bottom of my bed...she would always curl up with it, and its a vivid memory....keeps me close to her

Comment by Mary Elizabeth Webb on February 6, 2011 at 12:30pm

Judy--I am sorry for your loss. I feel the pain you are experiencing trying to manage your life through this transition without your husband. There is no set time for any of us to start feeling normal again or to move through each day with ease and free of pain and heartache. It will come eventually, I promise. I don't know what it is like to lose a spouse, but I feel death is something we experience, the pain is there no matter the significance of the person in our lives. I lost my mother when I was twelve yrs. old. It was the most horrible time of my life. The pain was unimaginable. I watched her body become frail and week from all her treatments. I watched my family become so unraveled that I wanted to run away from the pain. It isn't easy. You have to find a way to succomb to the emotions. Let the sorrow out and take each day as it comes. Try to become whole again (slowly) not just for you, but for your family. You know your husband would want you to live the rest of your life at peace and happy. It's hard, I know. I lost my father and only brother to cancer as well and I can honestly say it has been difficult, but I have come to terms with their deaths. I chose to live, not forgeting my loved ones, but to live my life in honor of them, because they can't. I chose to be and do all they would have if they were still alive.

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers and everyone else who is reading this.

Comment by michael sandoval on February 6, 2011 at 12:29pm

After 18months, I also have a hard time with Denise's belongings. I had to move from the loft where we slept to a downstairs bedroom because I couldn't go up there anymore. I have her small table with her little things as a memorial to her. I cannot bring myself to go through the other boxes of her stuff. I've tried a couple of times and always end up in an emotional episode.

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