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Comment by michael sandoval on March 22, 2012 at 10:21am

My denise was the "Most Wonderful Person Ever"

Comment by Kirstine Rushing on March 21, 2012 at 8:58pm

People keep telling me that I need to "Let her go"...talking about my mom. I get angry when they say it because I don't want to let her go! Maybe hanging onto my pain and grief in some weird way is a way of holding onto her here....its all I have left. I have all of her clothes vacuum sealed so that the scent will not fade and I have those clothes thinking that one day she may come back and need them. It is easier for me to pretend like my mom is away on vacation and that is why I haven't talked to her. I still pray every night when I go to sleep that I will wake up and it was all just a bad dream. There is a song that I would like for you all to listen to because as I read these posts, I think this song really applies to all of us. The people we lost were AMAZING people, so the grief is a slow process. Listen to this song and I hope it helps you all....we will be with them again....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbsBUf9VKyc&ob=av2e

Comment by Ron on March 21, 2012 at 7:13pm

My Jeans almost best friend died today.I say almost because sometime ago i asked her who her best friend was. I thought she would say Marge or Mary But no. What she said was in no unscertain words with an almost angry look on her face like how can you ask that? She said YOU ARE .You are the one i can tell my deepest secrets to, the one that will stand by me even if i am wrong on something and then will let me vent any anger i have which i do at times,.But most of all because i love you. I have never forgotten that . Now her second best friend went to join her. Her name was Marge.She was also by my wifes bedside when she left. How sad life sometimes is.  All you can do is the best you can and hope  That God will help you through these very hard times.

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on March 21, 2012 at 6:11pm

mercy are you serious? im so sorry hun, gosh....you dont need this

Comment by mercy on March 21, 2012 at 4:54pm

Cynthia, always feel free to come here and say whatever is on your mind, you never know when you'll help someone. I'm mourning another loss, my brother in lawy, he died on Sunday in a car wreck. Him and my sister were married for 32 years and had four kids. Its totally devastating, am hurting so badly for my sister. I've been leaning on her these last few months with the loss of my mom and brother. Now I'm so concerned about her, she was the glue that held us all together

Comment by michael sandoval on March 21, 2012 at 3:52pm

Dear Jodie,

My deepest Condolences

Comment by Cynthia Horacek on March 21, 2012 at 3:25pm

Dear All -

It's hard.  And it sucks.  And it isn't fair.  And losing someone who didn't deserve this, well, there are no words.  And I'm sorry to be the one to say it - people die.  That doesn't make it easier.  There've been many days when I've wanted to die and if I didn't have my two daughters, I probably would have found a way by now.  Don died Nov. 22, 2010.  Does it get easier?  I don't know; I don't have meltdowns anymore; do I get emotional and cry when I talk about it?  Yes.  Do I miss him as much as ever?  Yes.  Do I get through each day with just a little less pain?  Yes.  I've said it before and I'll say it again.  There is NO timeline for this; each person who has a loss has to deal with it the best they can on their own terms.  And yes, if one more person tries to tell me something about how to grieve this loss, when they have no experience of this kind, I might just rip their tongue out of their mouth.  My sister in law, when my dad was dying, took it upon herself to tell me how I "should" be grieving for Don.  About 20 years ago - or more - she worked for several months as a volunteer coordinator for a hospice; she thinks that makes her the big expert.  But she never worked with grieving people.  I have, even before I became the griever.  Then she had the nerve to tell me that she DOES know what it's like to be alone because my brother travels 2 weeks each month for work.  Well, BUT HE COMES HOME!!!!  My Don is NEVER COMING HOME I wanted to just shout it at her, but she wouldn't get it.  I've just had so much loss this past year and a half; my husband, my father in law, my dog, my dad and now my relationship with this brother, who I always went to with everything.  Yeah, loss sucks.  So when will we ever catch a break?  Maybe we won't; maybe we have to make our own breaks.  I force myself to go out and socialize; I force myself to interact with people - honestly, most days I would rather just stay in bed, too; even now.  I have to admit in some ways it's gotten better for me, but I can't say exactly how.  It's hard to find happiness - if I didn't have my daughters and my two grandbabies, I probably wouldn't even have the desire to look for it.  I'll never know the kind of love I had with Don; no one will ever love me the way he loved me, and I can't see myself ever loving anyone the way I loved him.  We were so right for each other; such a good fit; we just clicked so well; all of those private jokes that no one else gets; that's something I really miss.  I talk to him all the time; I know he's be to visit, especially when I need him - he's in my dreams; he's not doing anything, he's just "there", so I do really thing he is "there;" somewhere nearby.  

The hardest part for me has been the loneliness.  It's hard to not have a companion to share things with.  My mom has early Alzheimer's and that's another loss because it's like losing her while she's really still here.  

Well, sorry to go on an rant... but thanks for listening. And you know what? It's so good to know we are all here for each other, and we can say whatever we need to or want to with no judgment.  That's hard to find.  I'm sorry we're here, but here we are. 

Comment by mercy on March 21, 2012 at 10:50am

I agree, nothing will ever be the same. I struggle with acceptance. I avoid the thought that mom is gone from this world forever. Life just feels like one long empty day, nothing to break the pain. I just do what I have to do to make it through the day. If I didn't have a baby, I would probably never leave my bed. I'm just so exhausted physically and mentally, no amount of sleep is giving me relief. To add insult to injury, we just lost our brother in law three days ago to a car wreck. He was so young, my sister is completely devastated; I hurt so badly for her and her kids. Lord, when will we ever catch a break?

Comment by G. on March 20, 2012 at 9:38pm

That's a day that will never be the same for you Jodie I'm so sorry for your loss. I think for all of us actually special occasions won't be quite right ever. Somehow we have to keep going.

Comment by Kirstine Rushing on March 20, 2012 at 9:34pm

I agree....it does not get better with time and I want to scream everytime I hear that. I lost my mom (who was my best friend) on Jan 22, 2010. She had stage 4 lung cancer yet never smoked a day in her life. She fought hard, but sadly she lost her battle. For me, the time makes it harder because with each day...its a day longer since I last talked to her. I try not to look too far into the future or I have a total breakdown. For me, taking this grief and crappy new way of life is easier if I just look at it one day at a time. I can't think about too far into the future because it hurts too bad. I will never get used to this or like it, but I am praying I can learn to cope better.

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