Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by kathleen akin on April 28, 2015 at 5:02pm

Don't be scared to see her Toni. Just talk to her. She probably has adjusted better than you at this point if she has been through all that.

I had to prepare my daughter the other day when she came to see my husband, her step dad who she is close to, how he's lost so much weight and has aged 30 years overnight. She did well, and that made him feel good, that she would still hug him and want to spend time with him. It made him so happy. I know people are avoiding him right now so you don't want to do that to your niece. She is still your niece...just be aware she might look different if she's been through all that.

That is a sad thing for a young person. That made me cry thinking of a young woman who should be living it up having to spend so much time with doctors and in hospitals sick like that and with no good news.  You don't have to do or say anything special. Just go see her.

Permalink Reply by Toni Brindisi on April 28, 2015 at 6:43pm

Thank you for your encouragement.  She lives an amazing life, all of her friends flew into see her before and after the surgery where they removed her stomach!  At first the doctor was not too hopeful but she is a fighter and is getting to come home.  I love her so much, I don't have kids, I remember bringing her home from the hospital with my sister (I don't know where she finds the strength).  This has really brought me to think about my own mortality.  I asked God to take me and heal her (on my knees).  So everyday now is special.  I will stay in touch.

Thank you and God bless your husband.

Permalink Reply by Fran on April 28, 2015 at 6:47pm

I agree with what Kathleen said. 

Last year I had to tell my (admittedly adult at 23 and 25) that their father had Stage IV lung cancer. They had to deal with that until his death in November. In addition, they had friends stay overnite and were also told. I almost think it was tougher on the "friends" because they didn't see my husband all the time. It's like one day he was hale and hearty and could do everything they could...and the next time he weighed 50 lbs less and had no energy. 

Be her aunt, be her friend. Let her lead you. Let her cry if she needs to, let her read scripts...Don't cut her out of your life. She needs you more than ever!

Permalink Reply by Trina Mamoon on April 29, 2015 at 3:28am

Dear Toni Brindisi,

I am very sorry for what you are going through and for your niece who is facing death at a young age. Cancer is an evil disease, once it spreads to other organs and the bone, then it's pretty much a matter of time.

My wonderful husband Joseph was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer in November of 2013 and he lived nine months after that. He was 49 years old when he passed. Even though he has a successful pneumonectomy, his entire right lung was removed, his cancer spread to his other lung and heart after a few months after the surgery and while taking chemotherapy. The pain he suffered was inhuman; the last month he had to keep taking his heavy-duty pain meds, but they didn't seem to have any effect. To have witnessed such suffering with my own eyes was unspeakable agony. So my prayers and good vibes are for your niece, for you and the rest of your family. Enjoy the time you have with your niece and show her how much you love her. Having you there for her and with her will bring her some measure of comfort.

Permalink Reply by Michael Thompson on April 29, 2015 at 3:41am

Hi Toni Brindisi,

I read your piece, and can add nothing to the advice already given.  My wife passed in September last years 2014, she Bowel Cancer, we were married 22 years, I am completely lost.

When I read about your niece, I remember my wife having a breast scan for cancer years ago, she was cleared, how ironic she would get bowel cancer.

I wish your niece well, but try not to be scared to see her, let her lead the conversation.

Michael UK