Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Lidia on March 11, 2014 at 1:23am

Becky; I'm so sorry for your lost. My husband lost his battle with cancer six months ago and I'm just now coming back to this site because no one understands how I feel even after six months. Your words touched my heart because I can totally relate to every single one of them. I feel as you feel, why go on?

what's the point without the soul that was taken away. It takes me forever to get out of the house, I miss our lives together, it wasn't glamorous or busy it was just "ours" and I want a do-over.  I guess it should be comforting that both of us are feeling the same guilt and regrets but it doesn't help us to manage those feelings, just know that you can write to me and we can somehow exchange words to help us know that what we are feeling is not unique to each of us. I don't want to "get over it" as they tell me either I just want to know how I'm supposed to go on without him. How do I sleep all night without wanting him to be here, to speak to me his soothing words, to give me his unconditional love and support.  I can't even cook anymore and that's the one thing he loved me to do. He loved anything and everything I cooked and I feel nothing but shame and blame for his esophageal cancer. My kids don't understand this guilt but I am the one that fed him for 43 years of marriage and 5 years before we married. I'm just passing the days till I can join him. I hope he still wants me on the other side. Stay in touch friend....put your tears into words. Lidia