The Hurt

I lost my wife to cancer a week ago. It started with bladder cancer. After that was removed it spred to other parts of her body.At the end we kept her full of morphine.to stop the pain.It was a hard thing for me to watch her go that way. Now that she is gone I hurt so bad inside that i cry a lot and i wish that i could go and join her.The nights are just unbearable and every where i look i am reminded of her.When i lost my mom and dad i thought it was bad but it does not even come close to closing your spouse. It is like your whole insides have been torn out.

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Permalink Reply by Ron on January 30, 2012 at 5:46am

HuggsTracy. I know what you are saying. With me now ,i go from slow days to fast days and back again.I have talked to other people who lost their soul mates and they pretty much all say the same thing.Even  after years alone.The pain never really goes away. You just learn to tolerate it. Sometimes i will  start to cry when i am at the store to pick up a few things. It seems like every day i am just going through the motions of living.  I did for awhile think about ending my own life, but if i were to do that i know that i would have no chance of seeing my love when it is my turn to leave here. One thing to think about is .Would you want your soul mate to go through the pain you are suffering? I think not. Being a catholic.,i pray the rosery for my wife every night. Prayer does give me a little peace for a short time. I now have been making peace with everyone that i was ever angry with .What i am trying to do is be the kind of man that my wife would want me to be  .Just maybe that way when it is my end time i will be once  again with the love of my life and our souls will be together again. I'm starting to cry again , as usual so i will say Bye. Ron

Permalink Reply by Dorothy Holloway on February 1, 2012 at 9:49pm

((((((HUGS)))))

I know how you feel Ron.

I lost my hubby of 24 years to cancer last Oct.

I too wish I could join him..

I just found this group.

Take Care!!!!

Dorothy

Permalink Reply by Rachel Lynn Schuler on February 5, 2012 at 3:30pm

Jan i have also had panic attacks and have been told they have been precipitated by my mom's passing....i didnt have them til recently, but they are awful, god bless you....stay well....im struggling myself

Permalink Reply by michael sandoval on February 5, 2012 at 4:26pm

it really really hurts.

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