Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Danny on March 14, 2014 at 7:12pm

You are doing the right things Ariel.

Permalink Reply by MB on March 14, 2014 at 11:46pm

My mother died from cancer when I was 13 and she was sick from it for the 2 years before that. I have 3 older sisters from her first marriage. I am the only child from her marriage to my dad. So when she died they were all out of the house and on their own, it was just me and my dad until I got married and moved out. My father died very suddenly 6/28/13. I had maintained a very close relationship with him as did my kids- I could not have had a better father! I miss him so much! No one really understands how I feel. I always knew that no matter what happened in my life, he would be there for me and now that he's gone, I feel like I'm just out there on my own. Yes I have my husband and kids but it's not like having your parents. I keep saying to myself I can't believe I have no parents! I am only close to one of my sisters so I feel like the roots of who I am and where I came from are gone. It really is an odd feeling, almost like I really have to be all grown up now because if something happens it's all on my shoulders, even tho I've been a responsible adult for quite awhile (I'm 42). My security is gone. I used to tell him everything, saw him everyday. I think about him every day, the pain of losing him continues. I can't stop thinking about all he's missing out on with my kids. I have times when I feel like I'm getting stronger and then it hits me hard and I sob, most days I find myself getting teary. It's hard for me to share my feelings with people because I feel like they're sick of hearing it or they don't know what to say and just get uncomfortable. My husband and I are in marriage counseling and I've gotten better opening up to him about my grief and he's been more patient. From my experience grieving is a lonely process because everyone grieves differently and so many times people just don't understand. The most important thing I've learned is there is no right or wrong way to grieve, you have to permit yourself to grieve and be kind to yourself. There is no time table. I don't post much but reading other posts helps me to know that I'm not alone and there's nothing wrong with how I'm grieving.

Permalink Reply by Jenny Renn on August 1, 2014 at 1:39pm

Thank you for starting the discussion.  I am sat here at my computer swollen faced (like many on here I am sure) and am feeling so very lonely.  I had a tiff with my husband, a silly argument but one that spirals and all of a sudden I realise that I do not have my Mum to call.  It is amazing how a parent's voice can calm you and magically make you feel better.  I love both my parents but my Mum especially was my comfort blanket.  I am one of 4 and she managed to always make us individually feel better when we needed it.  The realisation of her not being there to visit or being at the other end of the phone is gut wrenching.  I don't do it often but sometimes I have to sob into a towel to muffle my wailing cries.  You know that crying when you could go on forever and ever and know that no matter how much you cry, your parents are going to be there.  You won't be able to touch them, see them or speak to them.  

It will be my 38th birthday in a few days, the first one without them.  I won't see my Father's handwriting or pop over to my theirs for my birthday meal that Mum always prepared.  She was a wonderful cook.  Her food was always made with love.  I find myself looking at pictures of her food sometimes.  

It's crazy how you can feel like a child at 38 years of age when your parents pass on.  I look at pictures of my parents and remember what it was like to be able to speak to them.  I try to recollect as much detail as possible about them, about their house.  They loved watching tv together, sometimes I watch some of the programs they used to like watching.  

I hope that the feeling of loneliness goes away one day.  

Permalink Reply by Danny on August 1, 2014 at 3:56pm

Jenny

I completely understand your situation.  Yes, spouse is not really unconditional support the way parents provide it to be honest.

Please take it slowly and write to me if you wish.

danny

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