Missing my identity

Mother hás such a powerful influênce, that sinse she passed a few years ago i feel i lost good part of my identity. I have done a lot in my life. But she hás a bigger print in me than i realized. I loved tô run tô tell her good things and see her rejoyce with me was a very powering process. Now i have tô rejoyce quietly, as no other person on Earth is like her. She rejoyced with me the smallest things. Every litthe thing was special. We made tem special. We cheeared each other when sad. Unfortunately mo other person on Earth can replace that. Validation. Its not about money. How good my health or looks are. My mother loved é very little thing about me. And i loved every little thing about her too. Its Hard tô find 1 percent of that in any other person. Then its a painful process when i try tô have this in other People. Its like showing vulnerability or success is usrless. They Either expect too much or throw in the dumps. And that cause me a roller coaster. Im having tô adjust and triste more myself and dond try tô find her responses elsewhere. She was unique. She is irrepleaceable. She was a beautiful soul. I Will miss her i guess gorever. But being abre tô cope building all she was tô me inside is a work in progress.....

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Permalink Reply by Jane on August 4, 2022 at 5:33am

I'm so sorry for you loss.  This is my story too. My Mom passed in 2014 and I was completely lost.  I used to run races (not so much anymore) and did all kind of triathlons and Ironmans and my Mom was such a big part of that. She loved what I did and it was such a joy to share it with her.  I was devastated when she passed suddenly and I could no longer run or knit or go to the gym, etc. I stayed home for 2 years and did nothing but work and sleep :(  Then I knew that this is not what she would have wanted for me.  I got up and got back to the gym but it was SO HARD!!  Once I got to my car I would cry so hard cause I had no Mom to call and share my workout or stop to bring coffee for :(  I realized that the "end of my story" had changed... every story I had from day to day.  ... but then it got easier, a bit easier.  I just sucked up the pain and did the workouts anyway.  I got back on my bike and started running races again and cycling.  It's been almost 8 years since she's been gone.  I'm really sorry for your loss and the pain you feel.  I completely understand your story.  I am here to chat if you need to.  Hugs.. <3

Permalink Reply by silvia maria on August 5, 2022 at 8:24am

Jane i feel 100 percent The same. My mother was there tô pick-up me up. Tô cheer. Tô confort. And its só Hard tô do things with no one tô cheer, enjoy success with, tô confort. She and i hád a vwry similar Outlook tô every little thing. Tô every asshole too. We algo had severe mobility issues. I had a couple back surgeries and she had dificulty tô walk. But we didnt care. We were abre tô enjoy life and each others company as if we Neves had any issue. Made life só much nicer. Lighter. Just as i White that tears come tô my eyes. Most times i am the strong one tô all People and i dont like showing vulnerability. But frm this i understand The wound is Still there. And i do have tô grieve. Everything i do now i Wonder how she would enjoy with me. We had plano tô go tô the beach and i live half a block from the beach. I couldnt move much and now i do boxing. If she could be here with me she would love. And i dont like tô admit. Vut i do miss here and god i wish she could be here and enjoy with me. Hugs

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