Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Maggie on November 22, 2011 at 7:02pm

Hi Jessica, 

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. I lost my mom in April of this year. Holidays are hard. I'm not going to lie. But I'm also not going to lie and say I know exactly what you are feeling. I don't know how you are going to feel and I can't project it. Today would have been my mom's birthday. It was rough, but I decided to not wallow in my own pity, but honor her birthday by volunteering in a soup kitchen. It celebrated exactly who she was, and I found that not easy, but comforting. I may not know exactly what you are feeling, but I do know that losing your mom changes you and your life forever. 

My advice, accept an invitation where you feel comfortable with the host and guests. For example, people that you feel comfortable enough to excuse yourself from the table in case you get too emotional for your own comfort. But don't spend the holidays alone, in fear that you may or may not get upset. I'm pretty sure that your mom wouldn't want that. I know that my mom wouldn't want me to sit around by myself on what should be thoughtful holidays.Regardless of what you do, be it soup kitchen or a friend's house, know that you're not alone.

Permalink Reply by Rachel Lynn Schuler on November 22, 2011 at 7:29pm

ss for your loss Jessica....this is the first real holiday without my mom too, and the last time i had a real conversation with her was actually Thanksgiving day last year.....this is not going to be easy, but im spending the holiday with the man i love and she would be proud and happy....god bless everyone who is having a hard time with the holidays....rachel

Permalink Reply by Rachel Lynn Schuler on November 22, 2011 at 7:30pm

i lost my mom December 8, 2010....never forget that horrible day....

Permalink Reply by Laura Krause on November 22, 2011 at 10:09pm

I lost my mom in July also, but it was very sudden and unexpected We've always had Thanksgiving and Christmas at mom's house, so I knew it would be hard. My husband and I are very good friends with a couple who invited us to their  house. I was so relieved. They included my 26 year old daughter too and she's gonna do most of the cooking. I know these friends well enough that if I get a little emotional, or if I have a complete meltdown It'll be all right.  It'll just be me and my husband, my daughter and my 11 year old son. I think being around a very small group of very close friends will be the best way for me to get through this first of many holidays without mom. Hang in there and take care. Laura 

Permalink Reply by Sue Waxman on November 23, 2011 at 7:03am

Yes...I can relate Hessica. My only parent - my mother passed June 26, 2011 of cancer. It was horrible. We share December 19th as our birthday. It was always our SPECIAL day. I will be 56 this year. For 55 years mom and I never missed a birthday together. I have no other family to speak of. I have 3 sisters who do their own thing in life and it never has included me much unless they needed something from me. Mom was my darling little lady. I cope by denial most of the time. It gets me through the day sometimes. I cry. I miss her. I lost my husband 3 years ago to a younger woman. That was rough too. Never had kids. Now I am pretty much alone in the world. Very scarey. I have grown to be tough. Had to. There is no room for self pitty or it would consume me. I never go there. I too have no idea how to "go on" and create a life for just myself. I have always put everyone else FIRST. Now mom is gone and I have no idea what I am suppose to do other than work. How to go on...I am no freakin clue. You are NOT alone. Just take it as it comes. Love Sue

Permalink Reply by Rachel Lynn Schuler on November 23, 2011 at 7:11am

im so sorry for your loss sue....its so hard to lose a parent, i havelost both....again, im so verysorry....i hope you have a good holiday hun....do the best you can, its not easy

Permalink Reply by Melissa Broome on November 23, 2011 at 10:28pm

Hi Jessica,

So sorry for your loss, I hope you can find strength in knowing you are not alone, in your journey of healing your heart.

This will be my first Thanksgiving without my mother..She passed on April 7th 2011..23 days later would have been her 54th Birthday. We always celebrated together my birthday is May 4th. That was very hard, I kind of ignored turning 30..Then there was mother's day..Yeah that sucked!...I didn't really celebrate it. My hubby did get me a really sweet gift. He got me a memory ring made for my mom. How I will cope we are having Thanksgiving at my home..we just moved here in August..I love to cook so did my mom So I'm gonna keep my mind busy by doing what I have always loved doing. I have to keep a good face on I have 3 small Children So I will do my best to enjoy the holidays for their sake. I tried avoiding reality that my mom is not gone..But when you do that it hurts that much more when you remember she is gone. So I have excepted it my mother is gone from this world it hurts to say..but she is..I can't change that..But I can still love her and miss her everyday..That's what I will do. But I can't stop living my life because I am still alive and I have people that depend on me..So I will keep going..One day at a time, I will go on.

Big hugs!

Melissa

Permalink Reply by Trisha H on November 24, 2011 at 7:55am

   I struggle with this  kinda thing each holiday and birthday that passes. The anniversary dates of my friends and my Mom's passing are also painful dates. For me, I can't just go and celebrate the holidays like they have always been. Because something is missing and always will be. The heart and soul of the family is not there and that is a big gaping hole that we can't pretend isnt, no matter how many traditions we try to uphold. I haven't yet figured out the best way to deal with the holidays, in all honesty, I would like them to come and go as quickly as possible. But I think starting new traditions may be a good start. There are no rules, whatever gives you the most peace and joy, go ahead and do that. And it's ok to cry and miss your Mom, but don't wallow in it all day, because you know if she were here, she would want to see that smile on your face. I try to celebrate their lives. On their birthdays, I go and do things they would have loved to do and know they are smiling down on it. That is the best way of coping for me. To not ignore the reality, but to celebrate that I was blessed enough to have them in my life and to celebrate theirs. If you want to do that alone or with people, that is YOUR choice. Either way, surround yourself in the love of your Mom. She would want that. Hugs

Permalink Reply by Jessica A. Krall on November 24, 2011 at 1:35pm

Thanks for all of your kind words and for sharing from the heart.  It really does help knowing we're not alone, doesn't it?!  I'm doing ok today...went to the Cracker Barrel for my Thanksgiving meal and it was delicious...I came home and got out my Christmas decorations, put on my favorite Christmas music CD and started decorating.  I'm watching my cats play in and on a paper bag...they're having the best time!!  Gotta love the fur babies...I think I officially spoil them...they had turkey and giblets cat food today...hehe

 

Enjoy your holiday!  God bless you all...

Jess

Permalink Reply by Jaime on November 27, 2011 at 3:54pm

Just do how you feel.  Those that love and support you will understand if you're not feeling up for holiday parties and whatnot.  My first holiday season without my mom was rough but I was too numb to really feel much of anything to be honest.  The second one was the same way.  And last year, it all hit me.  Nobody in my family did anything for Christmas day (dealing with their own grief) and it was the worst Christmas ever.  I had stupid drama happen and ended up spending it alone.  This year I'm scared to even get excited for Christmas because I'm afraid the same thing is going to happen.  We shall see.