My grief

It seems like this group is inactive given the last posts were about 4 years ago.  I lost someone almost 2 years ago and I still feel the hurt as if it was the first day.  Because of the nature of our relationship absolutely no one knows I'm grieving and I am completely alone.  Over the course of the last couple years without him I've quit all my volunteer jobs, hobbies and pushed away everyone in my life.  I have never been more alone and I just struggle with finding reasons to keep going every day.  I have done little to no processing of my grief because I can't and by nature I just don't anyway.

Every day is pain and hurt and I just see very little reason for anything anymore.  I miss him so much all the time.  He's all I think about all day.  Him and what a pathetic sack of shit I am for missing him so much after all this time.  I hate myself for how much I hurt and I hate him for leaving and I hate the world for existing.  I just hate everything.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Liv on October 11, 2020 at 11:58am

Hi Alice.

I am so sorry for all that you are going through. I completely understand hating everyone, and everything, after a loss. I lost my favorite person in the world two weeks ago, today. That's why I am here. Grieving is a difficult thing to do. Just try to cope any way you know how.

I am not saying that I know exactly what you are going through, but I am here if you ever need to talk.

Permalink Reply by Alice Smith on October 12, 2020 at 10:10am

Thank you.  I know all grief is valid but I just feel like mine is not and I deserve it.  

Permalink Reply by Tina on January 15, 2021 at 4:09pm

Hi.  I recently read your post and I feel like you and I may have a lot in common.  I lost the man I loved on the first of the year.  We also had an extremely complicated relationship that no one really knew about and it is so hard.  I miss him so much.  I know talking about it can help and if we can be there for each other I would like to be.  I think we may understand each other's positions really well.

Permalink Reply by Alice Smith on February 17, 2021 at 12:24pm

Thank you.  I feel like I can never move past this because I can't grieve openly.  Everyone around me is frustrated because they don't understand why I'm so depressed and I can't tell them so I've pulled away from everyone in my life.  I just want the earth to swallow me up so i don't have to be here anymore

Permalink Reply by Tina on February 17, 2021 at 6:31pm

You're welcome.  I have sent you a friend invite in case you wanted to message each other privately.  I am finding some days are a little easier but then I turn around and without any reason find myself crying and missing my love.  I hope that we can connect and support each other and grieve with each other during this difficult time in our lives.

Permalink Reply by Tina Cabrera on February 22, 2021 at 1:19pm

I feel this group is not up dated but if you want to talk I can use some one too 

Permalink Reply by Alice Smith on March 3, 2021 at 5:17pm

Hi, I'm sorry I kinda stopped checking back here.  How are you?  I'm sorry you're stuggling.  Last week for me was kinda of ok.  This week, not as much.

Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on June 9, 2021 at 2:58pm

sorry on loss peppl go go on hear

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