"I lost my daughter to leukemia, and the pain changed my life forever. Learning to live with this loss has not been easy, but I chose to turn my grief into something meaningful.
Today, I create oil paintings on canvas of loved ones who have passed…"
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Why Should I?
When my husband was alive, we didn't go very many places. We were home a lot, until summer, and then we were gone on the motorcycle a lot, camping, fishing, seeing the kids and grandkids, etc. If we hadn't had that bike, we wouldn't have traveled so much, though.
Now that he's gone, people keep telling me I need to get out and go places all the time. Why do I need to change my habits now that I'm a widow? Is this a rule? Why can't I just live the way I'm used to living? What, you don't want me to kill myself, so you'll make me live and suffer, AND tell me HOW to live TOO??
I'm moving out of this town. I've had enough.
Views: 1152
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jean on
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So sorry for your loss. You do what you need to in order to heal. My mother left me last year and I am still crying everyday. They say time heals, I say no it does not. You be kind to yourself and ignore the people who think they know how you feel. They don't.
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Permalink Reply by Veronica Hoffman on
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No, they don't. I was told I need to "find some happiness." Well, there isn't any happiness for me right now. Maybe down the road, there might be a little joy, but happiness? No. Not until I die and I am with him again.
I'm sorry for the people who think I should think like they do, and I'm sorry my grief makes them uncomfortable or whatever, but it's mine. They shouldn't be trying to make it about them, or trying to take it away from me. I've had enough taken away, thanks.
Thank you, Jean, for understanding.
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Losing the most important person in your life leaves a huge void that can never be filled. I guess the people want us to just go back to the way we were. In my case that will never happen. I am forever changed.
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Same here. I am forever changed, and they'd just better get used to it. I'm not going to get over it. He was everything to me. Selfish people, they are.
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Permalink Reply by Swallowtail on
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I am soooooo with you on this. Why should I start being all outgoing and doing things all the time when I wasn't that way before! Just a couple days ago someone called me and tried to tell me how I needed to get out and do things and "get over it". All the times I've heard "try to get out more" just makes me want to scream. My companion and I were usually homebodies, and I've always been that way even before we met. Why should I change? People just don't get it. Even if I do get out and go somewhere or do something, at the end of the day I'm still going to wind up home without my love and nothing can change that reality or the pain that comes with it.
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Exactly. Why get out more when I've just got to come home to an empty, silent house in the end? And this is my home. I'm not going to live outside my home; I'm not going to become a workaholic, because someone I know has, and thinks that's the way to handle this. It's not for me.
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Permalink Reply by bluebird on
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I understand and agree with everything all of you have said. What other people think about us or about how we react to our soulmates dying is irrelevant -- they don't know what it's like, and they have no right to tell us how to be. If anyone tried to pull that crap on me, I'd tell them right off.
For me, and evidently for those of you who posted in this thread, there simply is no more happiness in life. There is no way to be happy, there is nothing that makes me happy, there is nothing that ever could make me happy again, because my beloved husband is dead rather than here with me as he should be. I don't even know if there is an afterlife -- but if there is, it is only once I'm there and with my husband again that I will be happy, and even then I don't think I will ever stop being angry and upset that our life here was destroyed (he was only 40 when he died almost 2 years ago). I will NEVER "get over" having my soul torn apart, having my husband ripped from me -- how could I??!?? How could anyone, who truly loved her/his partner? I will never move past the horrific moment when I knew he died. My life ended when his life ended, my stupid body just hasn't yet stopped moving.
I have no choice but to work, because our financial situation was bad while my husband was alive and mine is worse now. But if I could afford it, if I were wealthy, I would probably just buy a small house and never leave it. That is what I would prefer, until such time as I either kill myself or die.
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I only wish I had enough to buy a little house out in the woods somewhere. I'd be the strange, scary old woman all the kids are terrified of.
If there is a god, he or she is an asshole, and hates me, because if he wasn't, WHY would he put me through such cruelty in life? To make me stronger, people say... I think I'm done getting stronger...I think he's doing it to weaken me for the next shot now. And I hope the next one kills me. I want out.
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Permalink Reply by Dennis C. on
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Veronica,
I am so sorry for all of your pain and loss. I wish there was something that I could do to comfort you in your pain.
I was wondering though...if I can ask. Why do you think God is causing your pain?
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If you read my post above, you already know, and I don't need to answer.
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I do too, but I am not allowed to kill myself. People want me to stay here and suffer, and not only that, but suffer in silence, because I "need to be normal," and they are "tired of hearing about it," and "it's time to move on."
It's all bullshit, and my life does not work without him. But I am the selfish one, to not want to live without him. Huh.
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"I lost my daughter to leukemia, and the pain changed my life forever. Learning to live with this loss has not been easy, but I chose to turn my grief into something meaningful.
Today, I create oil paintings on canvas of loved ones who have passed…"
"I lost my daughter to leukemia, and the pain changed my life forever. Learning to live with this loss has not been easy, but I chose to turn my grief into something meaningful.
Today, I create oil paintings on canvas of loved ones who have passed…"
"I lost my daughter to leukemia, and the pain changed my life forever. Learning to live with this loss has not been easy, but I chose to turn my grief into something meaningful.
Today, I create oil paintings on canvas of loved ones who have passed…"
"I lost my daughter to leukemia, and the pain changed my life forever. Learning to live with this loss has not been easy, but I chose to turn my grief into something meaningful.
Today, I create oil paintings on canvas of loved ones who have passed…"
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"I lost my daughter to leukemia, and the pain changed my life forever. Learning to live with this loss has not been easy, but I chose to turn my grief into something meaningful.
Today, I create oil paintings on canvas of loved ones who have passed…"
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