Still hurting

It's been 4 months since my mother died, the pain is still so fresh at times, my heart is still breaking. Her birthday & mothers day was this month, I had a double whammie of emotions to start this month off. Just keep missing so much of my mom, her illness cut her life so short.

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Permalink Reply by Christian on May 27, 2010 at 3:21pm
I lost my mom in April. She was only 56. At first, I vacillated between crying and numbness, now I think depression is setting in. I've never been through this before so I don't have any real advice for you, but I wanted you to know you're not alone.
Permalink Reply by Stephanie Malone on June 28, 2010 at 7:34pm
Thanks for your words. This is so hard one day I'm ok, the next not so much. I appreciate you responding to my post.
Take care. 
Permalink Reply by Lisa Westgate on June 1, 2010 at 4:47pm
I see it from the other side. I am a mom missing her daughter. Keep thinking of the good times you did get to enjoy and think that someone is always here for you. It was a tough month for me as well. much love...the hurt means you care and you're alive remembering her.
Permalink Reply by Stephanie Malone on June 28, 2010 at 7:41pm
Your words are so TRUE, thanks for the sweet reminder. Much love to you. 
Permalink Reply by Lisa Westgate on June 29, 2010 at 8:33am
As true as it is it doesn't make it any easier. Lately I have hit an unpleasant wall with my emotions and I am having a tough time climbing on. We have to remember the good things so we keep climbing, I am sure that's what they would tell us to do. You're welcome. That's what I'm here for. HUGs.
Permalink Reply by Stephanie Malone on June 28, 2010 at 7:41pm
Your words are so TRUE, thanks for the sweet reminder. Much love to you. 
Permalink Reply by coachlouise on June 16, 2010 at 10:46pm
Dear Stephanie and Christian, You have to feel in order to heal. I cried so much I needed towels. Thank you both for expressing you feelings. Sharing is so healthy. Please remember that there is life beyond this life, they are with you. My son on the otherside, his birthday is this month. Last year I held a wakeboard contest in his honor and designed a wakeboard with his art work. This year I am going to the lake with a fishing pole as fishing was always his church. I know he will be with me, as your love ones are with you. It is hard to really know that until you let go of thinking about loss and think about found. Never the less I still have moments of deep hurt, as I am human wanting a human experience, however when I stop and choose a spiritual experience everything changes. With a heart full of love, Coach Louise
Permalink Reply by Stephanie Malone on June 28, 2010 at 7:35pm
Yes we must try to remember to celebrate our loved on the other side when not lost in our grief. 
Permalink Reply by Amy Zielke on June 19, 2010 at 5:06am
I am so very sorry about your mother's death. Unfortunately, we all have to go through the year of firsts...her first birthday, your first birthday, holidays, etc. Be so very gentle with yourself, really try not to be alone on those days, surround yourself with those who will hold you up.
Permalink Reply by Stephanie Malone on June 28, 2010 at 7:39pm
Thank you Amy. I have an amazing extended family, they help lift me up when I'm not feeling great. I was strong enough to visit her place of rest on her birthday ( it was also the day before mothers day). I was a step towards healing, making the visit to lay flowers. 
Permalink Reply by Collette Hoag on June 28, 2010 at 11:35pm
Hello. I'm new to the group and am feeling my way around the site. I lost my mother five years ago and the most recent, and main reason for joining this community, I lost the love of my life and best friend, my boyfriend, Brian. This happen on April 16th of this year so it's only been a little over two months. He hit head-on a delivery box truck and flipped over several times. He died on impact, which helps a little bit because I know he didn't suffer or experience any pain. Still, I'm having a very hard time wrapping my head around why. I know that I shouldn't try to drive myself crazy over getting an answer because there is virtually no way of knowing why, but I can't help it. The heartache I experience everyday is so unbearable some days that I can't even get myself out of our bed. We lived together and we were perfect together. We completely understood each other and had no issues whatsoever. I am bipolar and have been diagnosed with it for about seven years, but it's very well controlled. I go through weeks of depression, but I don't want to be on anymore medications. Brian was a musician, he had two bachelor's degrees in music and pyschology. He play the guitar primarily, but he played all different instruments especially the piano. I miss his music so much. My heart just hurts all the time. I constantly replay coming up to the accident and seeing the car the way it was. I will cry in my bathroom in front of the mirror as I talk to him and continue doing that through my shower. I just keep getting hit in waves of pain. Does anyone have anything similar or some advice for me?
Permalink Reply by Lisa Westgate on June 29, 2010 at 8:55am
Hi Collette.
Welcome to the site. It's been comforting for me to know there are people that will talk and share their emotions wether it be happy, sad, or bittersweet. I have suffered some serious emotions and come here for a temporary rescue if I'm out of other options at times. I am truly sorry for you losing your mom, 5 years and I'm sure it's still fresh in your mind. I don't know what to really say about Brian. No words will help I'm sure (they are kind but don't hit home with me often) but know that you are we are not alone and we are strong and will keep shining when even when we feel there is nothing there to shine for. It's sad that Brian left you so suddenly. It's never easy to lose someone you love, trust, and can run to at the best and worst of times especially when you don't have the chance to say goodbye. I am not going to tell you all of those usual comments that instill anger and resentment. What I will say is It's not fair, our loved ones should be with us and I don't think there is a reason on this Earth that will justify taking them from us. I will also say that I'm sure Brian loved you as much as you loved him. As for talking in the shower to him...that's a way of coping....keep doing it! I check in often so feel free to check in if you need to chat.

Hugs
Lisa

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