We were arguing in the middle of the night. Both drunk. He said he needs to pee. I fell on the bed and fell asleep. I heard the sound of knocking down towel rack. And sound of a people getting into the tub. I thought he’s going there to sleep instead. I fell asleep. I woke up. Found him dead hanging in the shower curtain rods. It’s the day before my birthday.

Now that my brain keeps replaying the moment I found him and the imagining how it happened. Did he jump so he went out fast and I didn’t hear? Initially I thought he could save himself because he could just stood up and got himself off from the towel yesterday. But today I realized he might have jumped.

I don’t know what to do know. I can’t make it stop. I feel like I killed him. He went in there during the heat of the moment. And I didn’t realize it. Thought to myself let’s talk about it tomorrow and passed out asleep real fast the moment I touched the bed