How long is 'normal' for greiving over the death of a loved one ?

Anyone know how long a grieving period is suppose to last , normally, ? It's been 16 years now and I still can't stop thinking about my wife everyday, she was my real & only true love. Not to sound mean but when I see a couple together a feeling of resentment stirs deep down inside, and I'm a very positive-minded person, it's just that I'm ' still ' grieving, I guess.

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Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on August 5, 2014 at 4:16pm

sorry bill i dont no anser i no dr told me it cud tk yrs or i mite nevr get over lozing my dad thn multi oss on top of my dad 

Permalink Reply by Jean on August 5, 2014 at 8:42pm

I don't think we ever get over a significant loss. We just learn to live with it.

Permalink Reply by Bill Daniels on August 5, 2014 at 10:57pm

Because 'she's' not here I refuse to allow myself have fun, and I've not only recognized, but have accepted that I find it offensive to have fun without her being here to enjoy the good times with me. I know that 'some day' I 'may' see her but that's not helping me now. When I come close to what may become enjoying myself with another woman it feels like I'm cheating on her and she's witnessing all of this.

Permalink Reply by bluebird on August 6, 2014 at 11:24pm

I understand and agree. There is no fun without my husband; the good times are only bad because he is not here to share them with me. I will never date anyone else or have a romantic/sexual relationship with anyone else.  You have faith in an afterlife, whereas I do not (I fervently hope there is an afterlife where I will be with my husband again, but I don't know if there is or not), but if there is and if someday my husband and I will be there again together, that's great, but it doesn't help me now.

Permalink Reply by bluebird on August 6, 2014 at 11:21pm

I think forever is a normal grieving period, when the person who died is your spouse/partner and you truly love each other.

My husband died almost 2 years ago, and I grieve for him as much now as I did the day he died. I don't understand how it could be otherwise, for anyone who was really with her/his soulmate. I completely understand you still grieving after 16 years -- if she was your "real & only true love", as you said, then I think that is normal. 

I used to be an optimistic, positive-minded person, but now I am almost completely pessimistic. Why shouldn't I be? God or the universe or whatever has separated me from the soul I love most in this entire universe. I can't stand seeing happy couples anymore, either. Nor children. Nor families.

I am sorry for your loss, though of course that does you no good.

Permalink Reply by Lost & Alone on August 8, 2014 at 6:51pm

Yes you are, and I feel the same way, alot of the time. I have to stop and look in the mirro and say what would my husband say about the way I am acting? I know he is my mate and if he were here he would be fussing at me to be happy cause that was all he wanted. I bet you wife would be doing the same thing, I do not think she would wish for you to be unhappy. Think about it... she loved you and your joy, she would be devestated to think that she changed that.

Permalink Reply by Brenda Ann on November 13, 2014 at 4:38pm

Bill,

     Grieving is a journey that each person walks in their own way and in their own time. Talking is an excellent thing you can do to help yourself but nothing removes the pain.  Shakespeare wrote in Macbeth: “Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o’er-fraught heart and bids it break.” It is sooooo good that you are able to talk to anyone on this sight - no one will criticize.

Dale and Brenda

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