Right after my sons wreck a few days after 
We got home I went looking for my gun my husband
Didn't say anything . He knw what I was looking for
Finally he told me he sold it . I was mad . About a 
Month ago he said ok maybe I am safe with one 
Now. But we didn't have the money for me to get one
I always kept a gun for protection . I told him yesterday
I'm guess it's good I don't have one cause as we rode
By the wreck scene thinking of my sons birthday
I had the strongest urge . No I'm not a Bad person
At all 
But I would shoot this man the way I am feeling right now
And the bad thing is it wouldn't bother me to do itt
That's scary to me 
Why should he live tho 
Why does he have his daughters and holidays and birthdays
When I don't 
. Why won't they arrest him . Now I understand why
People become vigilantes I really do . Well after yesterday
Hubby said I won't have a gun for a very long time . Ok 
But I can still go to his house and ask how he feels 
To know he killed my son.ask him is he happy. 
He has never said sorry nothing . I hate him I really really hate him

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I'm glad you know you are not a bad person for having these thoughts. You have way more self-control than many people would in your situation. I cannot possibly imagine what it is like to go through the death of a child, but I hope that your pain will ease with time. Your story - along with countless others on here - has touched me quite a lot. I sobbed the first time I read it. I just want you to know..you're a really strong person.
Hi Starr, when I read your post, I just had to reply.  Believe me, I know your pain...although my son was killed in a single car accident, his best friend was in a car behind him and was not injured or anything, which I am glad for, but still I feel cheated.  I can understand why you would feel the way you do, but think about this:  Which would be harder to live with? A loving son who is now with our Father in heaven, or what if he had to live with what this man does?  I know if I were him, I would have rather died in the wreck than to live with what this man does.  After my son's death, I have come to realize that there are worse things than dying.  It has been 5 years for me, and I am trying to find a way to celebrate Matt's life.  We are doing things like putting his name on a memorial brick on a local walking bridge that is being restored.  Also we are considering making a donation to a local animal shelter in his name. (He loved animals).  And really, even if he & his whole family died, it wouldn't help.  Your pain would still exist.  I cannot imagine your pain in that situation, but we are all hurting on this site, and I just wanted you to know that I hope my son and your son will become friends in heaven.  Patti

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