Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
I lost my partner at 1.30am 21 march 2014. Coming up to two years, I still cannot accept he is gone. I just can't. Is that normal? I just don't know how to forge a life without him in it
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Alice,
If it is not painful for you, would you mind sharing a bit about the ways in which your "life and activities are centred on him"? The ways in which you are trying to forge a life with him? I am genuinely interested.
Alice, I really think that is beautiful, and positive things are coming from his pass. I have wanted to do that, my declan had many health issues which I now try to campaign for. I don't know if this is enough, I am full of fear and a sense of inadequacy that I can't do him justice. But then it worry it renders me in a state of self pity and inadequacy. The pain is overwhelming
Alice,
I'm sorry you've had a particularly hard few past few days. I know what that's like. ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
Thank you for responding; what you said makes a lot of sense. I find that for me, it's an odd combination of avoiding many of the things my husband and I used to do together (like going to flea markets and antique shops, watching certain tv shows, cooking and eating certain meals), because I want nothing to do with them if he isn't here to enjoy them with me, and then on the other hand sort of trying to become him (for example: his favorite band is not one I particularly like -- they're good at what they do, they're just not my style/genre. However, now whenever one of their songs comes on the radio I am glad and listen to it, in part because I feel it might be a sign from my beloved husband, and in part because if I listen to it as he would, I have in some way become him. I know that sounds crazy, and I don't mean that I literally become him, I just don't really know how else to put it.). Funnily enough, my husband is a musician as well.
It sounds as though you really do get a lot of benefit out of doing the things you mentioned, things which make you still feel connected to him, and that's wonderful.
It's like a physical ache Sam isn't it? And i still just want him back, even though I know that's not possible. It's like I just can't let him go. And I feel guilty for that, does that make sense?
Deborah Craig,
It has been 3.5 years since my husband died, and I do not accept that he is dead. That is, I know he died, but I refuse to accept this life without him in it. That's probably not healthy for me, but I truly don't care. Anyway, you are not alone in feeling as you do.
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