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Permalink Reply by Annette Dominguez on May 24, 2011 at 1:40pm

Deb,

 

I lost my husband on 1/1/11. I know exactly what you mean about his being everything to you. You can't stop the crying. But if the depression continues please seek the help of a counselor. I think once you are past the 31st it will be a bit better. I still cry almost everyday. I still can't believe my husband is gone. I ask God everyday to heal the giant hole in my heart. I have been doing a lot of praying and reading the Psalms. If you have family close by go to them and ask them to be with you on the 31st. That is what I do when those "special" days come up. I have been reading a lot of books on grieving too and what you are going through is normal. My kids are grown so I also sometimes feel like I don't have a purpose either but then I read the Bible and find where God has planned out our life and He does have a purpose for us.

 

I hope this helped a little bit.

Annette

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Permalink Reply by Deborah Dodds on May 24, 2011 at 2:02pm

Annette, thank you.  What you shared really does help.  I have been doing a lot of reading the Bible and grief books trying to deal with the loss.  I have been telling myself that once I have gone through the 1year anniversary that things will be a little easier and I will be able to get my life back on track and get back to school to accomplish the goals that we had set for myself.  I just have not been able to do it this past year.  I tried and couldn't think straight or retain anything at school or focus on my internship.  I needed my time...just for me...Thanks again Annette and welcome to this site.  i am so sorrry to hear about your loss.  I do know exactly how you feel., With Love, Deborah 

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Permalink Reply by Cindy on May 26, 2011 at 10:33am

I understand.  My love died on Sept 12, 2010. It's been almost 9 months.  I miss him so much.  We spent alot of time together-on a daily basis-and my world feels empty and lopsided without him.  I moved out of his home after 6 months, and I guess I thought I would feel better, but I still cry and miss him so much.  Depression is a part of grief, and there is no time table for "feeling better".  I feel that I will never be "better".  A very intelligent friend told me that it does not get easier or better, but we have to get used to life without our loved one.  I guess I felt that gave me permission to not feel better, but just to try to cope.  The ritual that you have is part of your healing process.  I tried to find a support group, but really never found one where I felt I fit.  Here is very good, there are some sweet people who can be understanding and encouraging.  I hope you can start to relive the great moments you had, the words of love, because that will help.  Don't let people tell you have to let go or move on, you will in your own time, and letting go of memories is not neccessary!

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Permalink Reply by David A on June 17, 2011 at 6:10pm

I know a situation similar to yours but I have to ask a question first.  Have you gotten rid off most of your husbands belongings or are they still around?

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Permalink Reply by Deborah Dodds on June 17, 2011 at 6:32pm

Hi David...My husband was in prison so I don't have any of his clothes or belongings but I am surrounded by his beautiful artwork.  Every wall is full.  His drawings I would never part with or pack away.  I did finally pack up all the sympathy cards and photo albums and letters and cards he had written to me.

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