After the loss of my 41 year old son to a massive coronary, I have encountered a concern of one or both of my other children passing also.  My daughter has recently begun to have problems with her biliary duct on her pancreas.  She had a procedure to clip a muscle that was putting a lot of pressure on her, causing her biliary duct to open and allow things to go into it.  After the procedure, she had pancreatitis. Now a few months later she is having another round of it.  I found myself fearing it would turn into pancreatic cancer.  She is 38 and has 2 adorable daughters that need her very much.  She has no fear of it, but I am struggling with it.  I do have faith and know God has plans for everyone and when time is up, time is up. I do not fear for her salvation.  

On the other hand, I have a younger son, who has been so badly affected by his brother's loss from their brotherly binding, to having a place to live.  He seems totally lost with out his brother.  Shawn was his senior by 8 years.  Matt has told me that the only one who really got him was Shawn.  I try to understand, but have struggled with it.  Shawn passed on April 30, 2010, and he is still  not ready to deal with it.  I tried talking to him the other day and he started crying.  I could tell then it would be very hard for him.  Sometimes I fear he will give up. Sometimes  I fear he will become hopeless.   He used to be on medication for depression, but since Shawn passed, he has gone off the meds, and refuses going to a Dr.  He has no insurance and no job. His credit is not good by his own admission. I have a fear that something will happen to him.  When Shawn passed, the rent and utilities were in Shawn's name.  Matt said his name was on the rent, but with being unemployed, he was not going to be able to continue living there alone.  His sister and I tried to help him clear out the apt.  He got very angry and cursed his sister out, and she and I left.  Later his father came to help him clear out the apt.  He is my x, and he looked at me like, why aren't you helping clear this out.  He never said anything to me, but I could almost read his mind.  Evidently Matt had not told him that he told us to get out.  He did bring things of Shawn's to me that are very important.  I have his stars and stripes wheel chair and backpack and other things.  He talks to me some, but is very angry with his sister and said she makes him feel very small.  All she is doing is telling him the truth.  But I do have a concern that he will not make it.

Does anyone else have this kind of situation???  How do I deal with it?  

By the way, I know where Shawn is and I know I will see him again, but I'm not sure I could go through this again.  Thanks for taking the time to read this.