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Permalink Reply by Crystal (BluSkyy) on August 26, 2011 at 11:47pm

I am Always Here If You Would Like To Chat... I Lost My Grandma Who Was My World And Heart... She Was More Like A Mother To Me.. I Was By Her Side All The Times At The Hospital, Or At River Side Dialysis.. I Watched My Grandma Go Thru So Much And It Killed Me Inside.. I Had To Hold My Feelings Inside And Act Like Everything Was Okay, But Everytime I Walked Out Her Room I Couldnt Help But Bust Out In Tears... I Watched My Grandma Die In Front Of Me.. My Heart Is Broke..

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Permalink Reply by Babs on August 27, 2011 at 7:51am

Yes I do find it really hard to explain my loss and greif to others. So much of what you said I can relate to, I have had friends say they don't know what to say in an exasperated kind of way and then just not bother to contact me as it is too hard for them. I tried telling them that I just wanted their company and the odd hug but they didn't understand. they just wanted to fix me and get me better and back to my old self so that they didn't need to see me in pain. I know it is hard to see loved ones in pain but the biggest thing you can do to help is just stand with them in the pain, just to be there and available to listen (not give advice). but I know what you mean when you say its still hard to talk about when someone is willing to listen, I think I probably think that if I do then they will abandon me too, its ahrd to trust sometimes. I don't have an easy story to tell either, its kind of complicated and for people to understand my greif I need to explain it and disclose information that I feel ashamed of. so easier not to but then I have no support. there is a poem on here that is really good.called "to one in sorrow"

Let me come in where you are
weeping friend
And let me take your hand
I who have known sorrow such as
yours, can understand
let me come in I would be very still
beside you in your grief
I would not bid you cease your
weeping friend
tears bring relief, let me come in
and hold your hand
For I have known a sorrow such
as yours, and understand.

 

Grace Noll Crowell

 

Lots of love, Hugs, Babs

 

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Permalink Reply by Stephanie Stone-Merrick on August 28, 2011 at 1:03pm

I do feel this way. Like the words are exhausting, to try to explain. I also feel like maybe people just want me to say I'm ok, so that they've asked obligatory nicety and I don't bombard them with what I'm really feeling. You mentioned the sad-eyed, head tilt...I've notice that too-I like the way you put that. It's appearance always shuts me down right away. I also don't know HOW to be anything other than what I am right now, emotionally, mentally, spiritually...and when people question me I get embarrassed or ashamed. Perhaps I'm not following the code of grief? Is there some other way I'm supposed to be? I find that with different people I'm having different expectations placed on me and that too makes me exhausted. To the point where I just want to be home, and not answer the phone or door. Then I can do what I have to and not feel like I'm failing to meet a standard I know nothing about. I hope you find a way to verbalize yourself and you find a safe place to do it. My thoughts are with you and if you need an ear mine are here for you.

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