... I still don't understand why it's so hard to go home... I lost my dad a little over a year ago, and the moment I so much as enter my home state, my stomach turns over in knots... I get anxious when I step through the door, and I feel overwhelmed trying to hold it all together. I swear I can still hear his footsteps coming down the stairs, running to greet me after being months away from home... I can't help but walk room to room remembering all the times we spent together and all the laughs we shared... I don't want to offend my mother, but I just find it too hard to be in this house... How do we find peace in a place that reminds us of pain? How is there any solace in such an unexpected death?... Every time I think I've reached a new plateau in my grief, I come home and am bitterly reminded of how little I have come in such a long journey... I don't expect my dad to be with me at college, or by my side when I visit family or friends... but I will always hope when I walk through the doors of my house that he'll be waiting to give me a big, welcome home hug... <3

Views: 149

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

It might be because you don't live in the state he lived in (from what i can tell) so you aren't as used to it as you would normally be. I live in the same area my brother lived in, and it still hurts going to the store, because i remember going there with him with me. I'm sorry for your loss, i hope you feel better... ((hugs))
hi i understand you.. my husband recently passed away n we had just bought a house n honestly i had to get out of there ,,i was going crazy !!! sometimes i feel as if i have to go back but i really cant!! is so sad having to look for a new place when i have a home :(

hi Chrissy..............I understand exactly how you feel - my dad passed in January of 2010.  We were very close - friends.  Unfortunately, my mom just died June 1.  Double whammy.

 

But, as far as my dad, I to remember going to the house-and I would cry - whenever I would go there - he would be looking out the window waiting for me - or upstairs waiting to hear the door.  He to would come running to the door - and I missed that very much.

I to missed that hug - that big smile - it hurt!!  It will take time for it not to be as intense.  Don't measure your grief - take it day by day.  A year is not that long of a time!!!  I to went from room to room - oh that was the chair he would sit in and ask me what was new.  And that room we................and here we...............I KNOW.

So FEEL his hug - let it embrace you - don't be afraid to offend your mother - I would open the hall closet and just smell his coats!!!  Sit on his side of the bed and just cry.  IT HURTS.  And you are allowed to hurt!!

 

And now my mom is gone to - and there is no one there.  So remember his warmth.................

 

 

 

RSS

Latest Activity

Krystal Swinehart updated their profile
yesterday
Profile IconJennifer Gilbert and Emma Jansen joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Tuesday
BYRON MILLER and N A are now friends
Sunday
N A commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"@byron miller we are all here for you,i already sent a request. you can always reach out."
Sunday
N A updated their profile
Sunday
BYRON MILLER commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"MY NAME IS BYRON. MY WIFE BRENDA DIED IN ICU TRURO HOSPITAL JANUARY 27, 2026. SHE WAS VERY SICK AND IN PAIN. WE WERE TOGETHER FOR 30 YEARS AND MARRIED 25 ON  JUNE 16TH, 2026. BUT MY HONEY DIDN'T MAKE IT. NOW I'M LEFT ALONE IN AN…"
Jun 5
BYRON MILLER joined Jon-Paul Ackerman's group
Jun 5
BYRON MILLER posted photos
Jun 5

© 2026   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service