Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Semary Rose on July 4, 2011 at 10:35pm

It definetely felt real to me tonight, too.  The last time my daughter was with her father was at the Memorial Day fireworks.  We chose a different location tonight to watch them,as it would be too painful to return to our "secret spot" to watch them.  I really did not feel like going, but I can't deprive her of the years when a child enjoys those types of things the most.  She kept saying "these are the fireworks I saw with my Daddy".  Ugh.  We miss daddy and it is so real at certain times, like tonight.  The best advice I can give you is that you just let it be and you will get through this wave of cruel reality.

Permalink Reply by Sandra LaBonte on July 4, 2011 at 10:56pm

We just took some sparklers to Kasey's grave and lit them for her. She should have been running around the yard with her cousins with a sparkler. She was 20 but she still loved her sparklers. I took her 13 year old cousin to the movies and it was the first time he talked about Kasey. He said he feels like she is just living someplace else. i think I did too until today.

Permalink Reply by Sean Casey on July 5, 2011 at 10:50am

Ariel loved sparklers, too.  I'd bought some to take to the barbecue last night, both for the kids and for me to play with.  That gave me a few minutes that felt good, remembering her smile and her laughter, and least for a little bit.  I wish that could've lasted longer.

Permalink Reply by Sean Casey on July 5, 2011 at 10:48am

Yeah, the Fourth was a lot harder than I'd expected it to be, too.  Mix of both good memories and a lot of pain and grief.  As for when it first felt "real?"  I think when I saw my wife's body before we had her cremated.  I can't say it's consistently felt "real," though.  There've been a lot of times since that have felt unreal, like I've wandered into the Twilight Zone.  I haven't doubted she's really gone since I saw her body, but plenty of times it's just felt unreal, like I somehow got dropped into a different reality than where I'm supposed to be and the difference is something I can't or don't know how to reconcile.  I wish I could say when it would become consistently "real," but yesterday marked five months for me and I'm not there yet.

Permalink Reply by Sandra LaBonte on July 5, 2011 at 4:03pm

I think I just can't believe this is my life. It just changed in an instant. I'm glad the sparklers brought you some happiness, if only for a moment. Sandy

 

Permalink Reply by Sean Casey on July 6, 2011 at 10:47pm

Sadly, I can relate to what you mean about it having changed in an instant and sometimes not being able to believe this is your/my life.  It hits at funny times, too.  Not always the things I'd figure would remind me of her and what we shared, but sometimes dumb, little things.  It's especially difficult when there are several of those in a row all in the same day.

 

Thanks, Sandy.  *hugs*

Permalink Reply by Sandra LaBonte on July 6, 2011 at 11:31pm

Sean,

It is those little things, I think you know or can figure out pretty quickly what the big stressors are going to be. I cannot look at a box of cereal without feeling sick. We watched TV in our pajamas and ate cereal. We have a fully stocked shelf of unopened cereal that I will never eat. I can't even open the counter to throw it out. It sounds so silly, but I will have a panic attack over cereal. It's unbelievable

Sandy

 

Permalink Reply by Ruth on July 7, 2011 at 1:57am

I get that.  My kids think I'm crazy but when my dad moved in there, he had an extra can of coffee that he gave to me.  It is on my shelf, taking up a bunch of space and I won't let anyone move it or touch it. If it wasn't there one day, I'm sure I would have a melt down.  Every once in a while, I open it to smell it, knowing that we shared this common breathing space together.

Permalink Reply by Ruth on July 5, 2011 at 1:34pm

Sandra, there are many days it still doesn't feel real, over 3 1/2years later.  I still startle myself realizing I was going to call him to share something funny or morally outrageous  and he won't be there to answer.  I will wake up from sleeping/dreaming then bam! oh that's not possible in this world anymore.  It's one of the pains of a day where the agony is absent for a few moments only to have the agony re-inforced by the rebound effect.  I know my tears help make it more real, because I don't cry over nothing.  I have a lot of trouble accepting this is how it is, especially those days where I am sorry I had to wake up to this new world again.  Some days I even think that one day, when my life journey is over, then I will be in the "real place" where my dead loved ones are now.  I'd like some real peace which ever real place it is.

Permalink Reply by Ruth on July 6, 2011 at 9:35am

Dear Grace, You have my deepest condolences on the loss of your mother.  Right now you probably feel like you are in fog while at the same time having a full time dull soul ache, punctuated with intense grief.  I think we all go through this.  Some days are still like this, too many, but because we have children, we put one foot in front of the other.  I try to take it one day, moment, hour at a time and not borrow trouble worrying about upcoming events.  It's hard because the thoughts come unbidden.  I found this site about 10 days ago, 3 1/2 years into my latest grief journey and it is helping a lot.  Thinking of you and yours. Hugs.

Permalink Reply by Terri Kuta on July 7, 2011 at 3:17pm

The 4th was very hard for me also my son loved the fireworks and spent so much money as soon as they opened until they closed he would have been so mad this year since here in texas we are in a severe drought and no one could shoot them, but he will be gone 8 month on the 19th and sometimes i still can't believe i'll never see his face again on this earth.

Permalink Reply by Sandra LaBonte on July 8, 2011 at 3:16pm

Thanks for responding. I'm very sorry for the loss of your son. Sandy

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