Hi and thanks for sharing your story as well. You asked how it's affecting my relationship; it's mostly to do with religion. My boyfriend identifies as a Christian, while I'm agnostic/secular humanist. I have a lot of problems with the idea of a just and loving god taking away a father with three young children. What really gets to me is that he lost over 100 pounds so that he could be healthy for us. Furthermore, the cancer went into remission. He died from pneumonia because his immune system was very weak. Although there are some bittersweet elements...having recently moved, I came across several boxes of old photos which have consequently sparked old and good stories. Just don't let the stories be forgotten for your child.

Thank you for your comment. I hope you are able to find happiness and peace in your life. I know as a mother, your children become your strength in a way after losing your spouse. Their love is so very special!

Semary,

My heart feels your loss. How are you doing today? I lost my mom on Monday of last week. She was my everything. I am so glad to have found this web site. Sue

Semary I very much appreciate your kind words. I am very sorry for your loss. It must be awful for you considering that I it happened so recently. Know that I'm always here if you need to talk as well. I would be happy to give you my e-mail and IM screen names. May God bless you and your children. It is funny how when we lose a love we learn that we are stronger than we ever thought we could be, or should I say stronger than we ever wanted to be.

Erin

Semary,

My Jack and I said Good Morning and I got in the shower. It was a work day for me. When I got out of the shower, Jackie was sitting in her recliner, bent over, using her nebulizer. I immediately knew that it wasn't just an asthma attack. I ran to her and told her to hold on and that I was going to call 911. At that moment, she dropped her nebulizer and fell back in her chair. I started screaming and tried to put the nebulizer back in her mouth, but her jaw was locked. I kept screaming for her to "Breathe! Baby, please breathe!" I managed to call 911 and the operator got my information, despite my hysteria. My neighbors heard my screams (through closed doors and windows) and EMS arrived fairly quickly. Although they worked on Jack for what seemed like forever, they told me they had a pulse and put her in the ambulance. Once we got to the ER, they were doing chest compressions and they worked on her some more in the trauma center. I sat just outside of the room with two friends (and neighbors) and tried to bargain with God to give us another chance...more time. Although the curtain was pulled around the table and I couldn't see Jackie, I could see one young doctor marking time. I knew he was marking how long she had been "down." Finally they told me that they could not revive her. Semary, a part of me knew that Jackie died in her recliner and when her jaw locked, it was almost like God said "Enough...we're done." It was such a traumatic experience and I'm in pain everyday. I just try to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Tammy