After 21 years I just lost my best friend and soulmate

I just lost my husband three weeks ago. I am still in shock and just can't believe he is gone. He did have kidney disease and was on diaysis, but he was doing fine. He just woke up one night and was having trouble breathing. I called 911 and they gave him cpr and then in the ambulance had to put a tube down his throat. But the doctors all said he was without oxygen for two long and was brain dead. Three days later, I and my nephews and 87 uncle had to watch as they removed the ventilator. An hour later, the love of my love was gone. It was absolutely horrible to watch him go from a good coloring in his face to totally ashen and stop breathing. Everytime I close my eyes all I see is that picture. I just feel so lost and alone. I have no friends. My husband felt everytime we made friends, there was too much drama and he didn't want that. He just wanted it to be him and me, Carol & Rob. That's just how everyone thought of us. And now, it's just me, Carol, all alone and feeling lost, lonely, and very very scared. I just can't stop crying. I do have to little yorkies who I love to death and thank God I have them. I feel like just half a person now because half of me is gone forever.

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Permalink Reply by Carol Cugliani on January 9, 2011 at 10:43pm
Hi CIndy, I thought it was a beautiful saying too.  I hope we all can have a good week ahead.   Don't forget to speak to your doctor about being able to take something to help you sleep at night.  Have a good night. 
Permalink Reply by Cindy on January 23, 2011 at 4:21pm
Hi Ladies.  Tomorrow is my birthday and I have been having an especially hard time.  Physically ill too, so that doesn't help.
Permalink Reply by Carol Cugliani on January 23, 2011 at 4:45pm
Hi Cindy.  I know, my last birthday was not so good, besides it being my first birthday without Rob, my uncle was here from FL and had a seizure and ended up in the hospital the day after my birthday.  He was in the hosp. the rest of the week and then had to go home.  This year, i'm also dreading my birthday 2/2.  It was just that on each of our birthdays, his was 2/29 we always picked out a restaurant and had a nice dinner out.  Do you have any one that you'll be with?  I hope you won't be alone.  Happy Birthday in advance.  I hope it will turn out better than you are expecting.  Try to do something fun to keep your mind busy.  I'm so sorry I hope things will be ok with you and hope you feel better soon.  Remember, I'm always here if you need to talk.
Permalink Reply by Carol Cugliani on January 24, 2011 at 2:13pm
Hi Cindy, just wanted to wish you a very Happy Birthday. I hope you are having a good day.  I'm having a hard day but I'm sending you all happy thoughts.  Enjoy your day.  Lots of Hugs.
Permalink Reply by Janet Hartford on February 26, 2011 at 6:28pm

Carol, I am so sorry for your loss. My husband of 23 yrs died very suddenly while I was with him on our boat. He had a massive heart attack and fell into the waters of Lake Erie. I continue to feel half of me is missing. I too feel know your pain of losing your soul mate. Please keep in touch. Praying for you.

Jan

Permalink Reply by Carol Cugliani on February 26, 2011 at 7:08pm
Oh Jan, I am so sorry.  When did your husband pass away?  That must have been so frightening for you.  Were you alone with him when this happened or was there are other people there with you?  I know it's very hard, I still feel like half of me is just gone forever.  I feel so empty inside and I keep praying that someday I will not feel so empty inside.  It's going to be 19 months that Rob is gone in a few day and I still have  long way to go.  I wish I was at the point when I see a picture of  Rob or a video that it makes me smile and think of all the good times we had only it still tears me a part and just plain makes me sad and think of all that is gone and missing from my life.  But we have to take one day at a time and just get through each day and don't think too far ahead.  If you ever feel like talking you can always call me, anytime, I'm up till about 1am.  If you want my number just send me a message through this website.  My thoughts are prayers are with you along with lots of HUGS.  Carol
Permalink Reply by Janet Hartford on April 5, 2011 at 8:37pm

Carol, sorry I have not been in touch. It has been 8 yrs since the sudden death of my husband. I am so sorry you have to experience a pain and loss such as this. If you would like to chat on the phone, I would be happy to call. I have been in the process of moving so I apologize for my late delay. 

Jan

Permalink Reply by Cindy on March 3, 2011 at 11:00pm

Hi.  It's been a rough day.  All sorts of emotional and physical things going on.  It's been six months since Les passed, and I still have times, almost every day, that I fall apart and cry till I cannot breath.  I thought I was doing better, but now I'm not so sure.  I keep feeling like I am back at square one.  How is everyone else doing?

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

Permalink Reply by Carol Cugliani on March 3, 2011 at 11:06pm
Hi Cindy, I'm so sorry you are feeling that way but trust me, it's totally normal.  It's 19 months for me and I'm still feeling that way.  And so many things have been going wrong for me the last couple of months.  It's like ever since Rob passed away one bad thing after another has happened to me.  I've been without my car with last thurs and don't know when I'm getting it back and it's going to cost me a few thousand dollars.  I've had to go for a number of medical tests and am totally stressed out.  I keep waiting for something good to happen in my life.  I guess it's just something we all have to just get through at our own pace.  I hope things will get better for us soon.  Hope you have better days ahead.  Have a good night.  Lots of hugs your way.
Permalink Reply by Cindy on March 11, 2011 at 8:10pm
Things are a little better.  I hope they are getting better for you too Carol.  I keep plugging along. 
Permalink Reply by Cindy on April 3, 2011 at 2:27pm
Hi Ladies.  I hope you are all doing well.  I am doing okay off and on.  Recently moved from Les' home to a small place closer to work.  Financially, I am not doing well.  I had surgery on the 18th after moving on the 14th.  Not everything is moved, which makes it hard.  I have to get the rest of my stuff.  I feel so alone, and I want to talk to Les so much.
Permalink Reply by Carol Cugliani on April 3, 2011 at 4:22pm
Hi Cindy, sorry you are having such a hard time.  I hope things get better for you.  I wish there was a magic pill.  I've had a go through a lot of stuff myself over the last month and also wish my Rob was here for me.  His twin sister passed away this past Wednesday and that just opened up more feelings for me.  All I can say is each hurdle will make us stronger.  We'll never stop loving or missing our loved ones.  We just have to get to the point where thinking of them only makes us smile not cry.  Wishing you all the best and lots of hugs.  Carol

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