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After 21 years I just lost my best friend and soulmate
I just lost my husband three weeks ago. I am still in shock and just can't believe he is gone. He did have kidney disease and was on diaysis, but he was doing fine. He just woke up one night and was having trouble breathing. I called 911 and they gave him cpr and then in the ambulance had to put a tube down his throat. But the doctors all said he was without oxygen for two long and was brain dead. Three days later, I and my nephews and 87 uncle had to watch as they removed the ventilator. An hour later, the love of my love was gone. It was absolutely horrible to watch him go from a good coloring in his face to totally ashen and stop breathing. Everytime I close my eyes all I see is that picture. I just feel so lost and alone. I have no friends. My husband felt everytime we made friends, there was too much drama and he didn't want that. He just wanted it to be him and me, Carol & Rob. That's just how everyone thought of us. And now, it's just me, Carol, all alone and feeling lost, lonely, and very very scared. I just can't stop crying. I do have to little yorkies who I love to death and thank God I have them. I feel like just half a person now because half of me is gone forever.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Carol Cugliani on
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Hi Cindy. It's totally normal, trust me, it's been been 17 months since Rob is gone and I'm still keep telling myself it doesn't seem. I don't think it ever will. We will just be better able to deal with it. I know it's hard Cindy, we just have to be strong. You've come a long way already. We also had a bad snow but thankfully not as bad as other states. I hope you have a good night.
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yes it is normal. it will be 6 mos tomorrow for me and i still find it hard he isn't here with me. when my dad died, my mama said she was lonely and always had a house full. i never understood that, but now i do. i wish she were here so i could tell her i now understand. i went to my first grief counsley group tonight. it was ok, so i guess i might go back next month. my thoughts are with u, stay strong and i love u. later
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Last Thanksgiving I was at my nephews house. He had a houseful of people and I never felt so alone in all my life. It was the first time TG was not at my house, I couldn't wait to get home. I just hope that someday soon it will not be as painful as it is to us now. Renee, I'm so glad you went. You should go at least a few more times and then decide if you want to continue. Take care and stay sfe in this crazy weather. Lots of hugs to you both.
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So sorry to hear you can't sleep. Do you have anything you can take to help you sleep? Unfortunately I have take a sleeping pill every night otherwise I'm up all night and then might nerves are shot. I hope you have a better day today. Take care.
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Permalink Reply by Cindy on
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Hi Carol. I take something, but sometimes it doesn't help. I cannot take anything too strong because of my others meds. Today isn't too bad so far, but we are getting more snow.
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Hi Cindy, why don't you ask your doctor for something stronger that you CAN take with your other meds. You really need your sleep. We're all going through a very heartbreaking time and we don't need added stress by not sleeping most of the night. I am going to brave the cold and snow and go work out in a little bit, although I'd much rather stay inside, warm with my 2 little yorkies. I had a bit of a crying jag earlier but i'm ok now. I hope you have a good day. Lots of hugs.
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Hi Ladies, I have been working alot, so haven't had time to be here. How are you both? The holidays are even tougher than I expected! I cry so much, and still cannot sleep at night...well until about 2 am, then I am up at 7am. Hope you are doing well.
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Hi Cindy, hi Renee, hope you two are doing well. I was pretty sick with a bad stomach the past 12 days. Have no idea what was wrong. Went to urgent care and waiting to hear back from lab. I've been making myself crazy baking. Trying to keep myself busy. I just miss Rob so much. Going to be 17 months that Rob is gone and I still am having a hard time believing it. The best part of me is just gone. My neighbor has been a real help. She's been coming over and helping me out just about every day. We're both grieving our husbands. We're going to spend Christmas Day together here at my house. One of my nephews showed up on friday but I left him standing in the parking lot. He then showed up and scared me to death when he showed up late saturday night, but i didn't answer the door. These kids think they can shut me out of their lives whenever they feel like it then come back when they feel like it. Well I know Rob would have been proud of me for not giving in this time. Well, my prayers and thoughts are with you both. If we don't touch base before Saturday, I hope you both have a wonderful Christmas. Lots of hugs.
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Merry Christmas Renee and Carol. It's been tough for me too. My Ulcerative Colitis is acting up, and I cry all the time, usually a silly little thing will set it off. Sleeping pattern is all messed up too. I hope you both are doing well, as well as can be expected.
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I'm so sorry Cindy, I hope you'll feel better soon. It doesn't take much to make cry does it. Let's hope the new year will become easier. Have a good night.
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Permalink Reply by Patricia J. Jones on
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Carol,
I lost my husband on December 3rd. He was awaiting a heart transplant. He had surgery in August to put a device on his heart to keep it pumping until a transplant was available. Although I didn't see much improvement the doctors at the University of Chicago kept telling us he was doing fine. On that Friday morning we woke up feeling very weak. His hands were cold and he was having difficulty breathing. I too called 911. The doctor's gave him some medication to bring his Potassium level down which he responded to. They were going to discharge him. He said, "Oh I can't wait to get home to my comfortable bed and down filled comforter." Several minutes later the ER doctor came in and said, "We're going to transfer him to U of C just to be on the safe side. The transplant team wants him there." I ran home (just a few blocks away) to get his cell phone and a few personal items to take in the ambulance. When I returned 1/2 hour later he was gasping for every breath and his hands were starting to turn blue. They flight for life helicoptored him to Milwaukee but it was already too late. I basically went through the same thing. They turned off the device that was keeping his heart pumping and my love and best friend was gone.
I'm going through the same thing. The sight of him laying there. Death is so final. I had a doctors appointment yesterday and it was traumatizing to have to circle W in the marital status field. There will be many challenges we both have to face coming up. Life will never be the same again. The nights are the worst. I toss and turn and almost beg for sleep. When I sleep it's not very restful.
I checked on line and found a widow grief support group that is pretty close to my house. I don't know what that will be like (the next meeting isn't until after the 1st of the year) but I'm hoping I will find comfort in being able to talk to other women who have lost their husbands. None of my friends have lost their husbands so they don't know how it feels.
Everyone keeps telling me it will get better. I'm really hoping and praying for both of us it gets better. This does not feel good. I too am scared. I always thought I could face anything with my husband by my side. I miss him so much my chest actually aches. I always have a headache from crying so much.
Please know you're not alone in this . This web site is very supportive. God's blessing to you and your family. One day at a time.
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