Death of a soulmate(spouse) : Single, Suicide or moving on in life?

I lost my wife a few months back to cancer, she was my one true soulmate in life, she would put up with all my faults not some but all no matter how bad, she loved me till the day she died. She was loyal to the end and put my needs above her always, she understood me. She was generous to people who knew her but the universe seems to have it in for the best of us while allowing the stupid and selfish to remain. We were only together for five years in total and i now find myself alone. I'm personally a loner and have no friends to count on, my family are not existent.

I was with my wife, brother and mother in law when she died in hospital gasping to breath, it is something i don't wish anybody to experience. Her family are supportive but they are overseas and ESL. They understand English and are pretty much like most people who don't understand soulmates, discussing these issues bring the same responses about moving on / staying strong etc

Anyway to the point of this post, since her death i have considered staying single, suicide(catching the bus) or moving on. But from the point of her death, i summersied suicide would be the best option because i cant live without her, i dont want someone else, its like living with a part of your soul missing. Also since then I have been researching about death, ndes etc ( my wife saw ghosts at a young age and also heard Chinese music before her operation - which is suppose to imply the afterlife in Chinese culture although she was Christian).

At the moment the only thing keeping me alive is a cat.


As for my belief, im at best 50/50, i either i face oblivion or i face an unknown afterlife.

My decision is made but what have others done in the situation. I suppose this is hard considering some have suicided. But im interested in others responses to similar situations be they soulmates or just spouses, from what i have witnessed many marriages are not soulmates.

Tags: afterlife, soulmate, spouse, suicide

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Permalink Reply by Karen T. on February 7, 2015 at 9:59pm

I know that you are having complications with undertsadnig God and Heaven and what the means. My husband was a preacher (on his was to becoming fully ordained). I know that it is a very sensitive and complicated subject. I am here for you if you would like to get to know Jesus as and/or answere questions which may shed some light for you. If you prefer to have a private discussion through email I am more than willing to speak that way as well. This also goes out for any and everybody. I , of course, am not as fluent and well versed as my husband (he was at bible college after all and on his was to becoming ordained) but the Lord will, I have complete faith, help me say what needs to be said.

Permalink Reply by Jesse's Mom on February 8, 2015 at 3:01pm

I am sorry for the loss of your dear wife. I too have wondered why so many that are good are taken so young. I have lost 2 sons, one as an infant and now one as an adult. I noticed your thread and your reference to how your wife could see ghosts and hear the music. I know people who have been able to see people in spirit form (whether as an apparation or their spirit energy). You may like this youtube channel I found on NDEs, it is Believe it or not, along with the other companion channel, Believe it or not #2. I thought it would interest you as it has NDEs from around the world with subtitles. As with anything, I just take what I feel works for me and leave the rest. Some NDEs to me have a greater "truth ring" than others. Just my take. I have been studied what I can on the afterlife as I need something with data and evidence to help me make it through the day.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq5vv3XtlGwc6wKp9IooZ8w/videos

PIM Van Lommel and Penny Sartori are other afterlife researchers you may consider. Sending you gentle wishes.

Permalink Reply by trav on February 17, 2015 at 12:17am

["I have been studied what I can on the afterlife as I need something with data and evidence to help me make it through the day."]

Same here, but i tend to feel comfortable with reading experiences on Nderf.org , NDE Videos for me often have production values ( Vaseline effect, soft lighting, graphics and music ) that i find off putting. I dont find books that geninue either. Because to most experiences that ring true are free and dont require a couple of hundred pages to tell them.

Permalink Reply by Jesse's Mom on February 17, 2015 at 2:50pm

[Because to most experiences that ring true are free and dont require a couple of hundred pages to tell them.]

Trav, I would agree with that statement. I have had the privilege of a few people who have told me their experiences, OBE and one NDE...for them it was brief. They had consciousness outside the body and could observe events happening to them.

Even with that being said, it does not take the missing away, there are some days we say of our loved one, "I just want you back".

I too find the nderf.org site offers some comfort and have also looked at the IANDS site, (International Association for Near Death Studies). 

Sending you gentle thoughts today.

Permalink Reply by trav on February 28, 2015 at 3:17am

Thank you.

Permalink Reply by James Quinn on February 17, 2015 at 8:36pm

I know the loss of a soulmate is devastating i have lost half of my soul it feels like my soul is hemorrhaging since i lost my soul mate 25 year together only a week apart over that time never had an argument, no raised voices between us  we where happiest when alone, all the time  finishing each others sentences  when we spoke

Permalink Reply by trav on February 28, 2015 at 3:08am

Same here.

Permalink Reply by Barbara C on February 22, 2015 at 7:28am

Dear Trav,

I lost my fiance' on Jan 19, 2015. It was the hardest thing I have ever had happen in my life, and I haven't had a "cushy" life either, trust me. We had been engaged about a month when we got the diagnosis that his cancer had come back. We talked a lot about his and our options. We both believed in God but neither of us are particularly churchy people. A lot of people said I was nuts for staying, it wasn't an option for me because I truly knew he was my soulmate. I had absolute faith he would beat cancer again so not being with him was never an option to me.

I certainly don't have the answers I want. I have wanted to die this last month certainly more than I have wanted to live, but there has been one thing that has stopped me. I don't believe people go to hell if they commit suicide, but I don't believe you get to be with your loved ones either. If I can't be with Andy here on earth, I at least get to be with him when I die. So I'm not willing to take a chance on not being with him again, as painful as that is right now. I loved that man more than anyone else or anything else on earth. I would like to think there is some divine reason I'm stuck here without him. I don't know.  

Like I said I certainly don't have the answers, but I thought it might be worth the consideration anyway.

Permalink Reply by James Quinn on February 23, 2015 at 9:20pm

Barbara What you said,About wanting to die is one thing about a lot  but if there is any chance that committing suicide, will stop me uniting with my soul mate that would stop me above all things ,I would rather live a life of pain knowing someday  my soul mate and I will be united  again . I hope if there is a god he will grant my wish 

Permalink Reply by trav on February 28, 2015 at 3:16am

I respect both your beliefs.  I suppose for me what will be will be, this suffering is not one of them.

Permalink Reply by Sharon on February 23, 2015 at 10:16pm

I am so sorry about your wife.  I lost my son on feb. 8th.  He was only 24 years old.  I am devastated.  I spoke to a psychologist because I too feel like I cannot live without him.  She assured me that most people don't really want to die... they just want the pain to stop.  The pain is just so bad.  I keep asking my son for strength to get me through  today. Take care.

Permalink Reply by Valerie on March 16, 2015 at 6:05pm

Hi,

I'm so sorry for your pain. I am in the very pain right now, at this moment. I lost my husband on 1/31. it feels like yesterday and it feels like forever ago. I seem to miss him even more as time goes by. He was supposed to come home from rehab about 5 weeks before he died. His kidneys failed while he was in the nursing home/rehab. He was rushed back to the hospital and died within 2 days. I was there when I saw his heart rate jump from 90 to 125, back to 90, then to 165, then to 222, the monitor turned red and then said O!! Code Blue ICU is what I heard next. I could not believe what i was seeing. They shocked my husband's heart several times and then finally turned to me, and said, I'm sorry, Mam, we did all we could. 

I was in utter shock. I have cried every single day since then, every day, several times a day. I'm so terribly lost and my heart just aches constantly. I cannot image being ony the rest of my life and I cannot imagine loving anyone else. I have thought about and wanting to die to. But, not sure I'd want to take my own life. Because what if I did and I could not be with him for some reason. Although, I cannot imagine this agony going on and on and on. Mike was my soulmate, no question about it.


I long for him daily, I hate that he is gone. I hate that I don't know how he is doing. My faith has been shaken. I felt like half of me died with him. I can only see a lonely life ahead of me right now. So, I do understand some of what you are feeling. I understand what you mean about living without half of your soul. I truly do. We did become one. I can't imagine every being with anyone else. It might happen, but I don't see how. And, then would I still be with Mike when I went to Heaven. I don't think suicide is the answer, as much as it might feel like it, there's got to be another way out of this pain. And, I don't mean by doing drugs or drinking, that would only make things worse for you. Hang in there, I dont pretend to have the answers but surely there is a plan for all us. There is too much magic in the world. 

Albert Eistein once said, you either believe nothing is magic, or everything is magic. There too much magic in this world for there to not be a God, a creator. Although we don't understand why this happen to all of us, lets try to help each other. I know it is tempting to end the pain, but you might consider just writing it out, that's what I am trying to do. I know that does not bring back you soulmate. But, I pray you are reunited with her one day.

Praying for you.

Valerie

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