so alone

I lost my husband of 33years last year, I have been with him 40yrs, since I'm 16yrs old, we have 3 children and I am expecting my first gran child in 3 months, it is so bitter sweet as he would have been the best grandpa. I am so lost. I don't know what to do with my self, I have a very large family and many friend and can be with all of them an yet I feel alone. And to make things worse I lost my mom 6 months ago. Everyone says it take times and they understand, but they don't understand, and if one more person asks me if I think I will ever date I want to scream , I can't even get over his loss never the less think of dating.

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Permalink Reply by Wander on September 2, 2014 at 6:55am

Vinnie, I am so, so sorry for your loss. My beloved husband and I were only married for four years, but we'd loved each other since we were 12 years old. He passed suddenly and very unexpectedly three days after his 40th birthday. That was almost 5 months ago, and I've been broken ever since. He took most of me with him-- what's left is an empty husk being dragged through an existence that seems completely devoid of meaning or purpose. I'm here to take care of my kids-- nothing more-- and the only thing I look forward to is finally drawing my last breath so I can go to him.

I have friends and family, and they all assure me I'm not alone, but I know better. Yes, I'm loved, and I'm grateful for that, but at the end of the day, when I'm huddled in my bed clutching my husband's shirt, I know exactly how alone I really am. None of the well-meaning and supportive people in my "life" (I don't have a life anymore, I died 20 1/2 weeks ago) understand. There's no "getting over it," there's no "moving on." I'm done. Our story ended, and this epilogue is pointless. 

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get on here and rant. I won't tell you I know how you feel, but I do, unfortunately, know the immense pain we're all going through. I wish I could make it better. Peace to you... 

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