Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by jennifer on March 11, 2010 at 1:16pm

My 2 yr old was brutally murdered on April 22,2009 by my ex-boyfriend.A person who me and my kids love and trusted.He used that to kill my son and sometimes I feel so guilty beccause I didnt protect my son.I told him no one would ever hurt him and now he is gone.I woke up this morning and it hit me all over again that he isnt here

Permalink Reply by Gail Richardson on March 11, 2010 at 3:24pm

Jennifer - please don't feel guilty that you were taken in by your ex. So often the people we think we know turn out to be complete strangers and worse. I'm certain that you would have protected him had you any idea of what was going on. I'm so sorry for your loss - I cannot imagine the pain you are in and can only offer my comfort to you and the understanding that the loss of a child is the most awful thing anyone has to suffer. You are still in the very first stages of grief, I'm quite sure that the approaching date is filling you with dread. Please know that we are here for you - don't feel alone with your pain. We understand it and will help you to get through. Sending you hugs and strength
Gail x

Permalink Reply by Anna B on March 19, 2010 at 5:31pm

We lost our little Kai Pie a few days after his first birthday. Kai was delivered 14 weeks early. After 11 months in the NICU, he was finally was ready to come home, but in hindsight, the steroids were already turning on him. Kai was only home for a total of 13 days. Three 911 calls and a weekend in the hospital later, and Kai was back in the Peds ward for what turned out to be the last four weeks of his life. We lived there with him and prayed constantly for, yet, another miracle. Kai had already survived so much... he just had to get better again, but he didn't. Kai little lungs just gave out on him and he slipped off to heaven in my arms. The room was full of our friends, family and dozens of nurses and doctors that loved Kai just as much as we did. And they all crowded around him and said their goodbyes and beautifully loved us through the hardest moments of our lives.

We miss our long awaited, beautiful baby boy so very much!

Permalink Reply by Gail Richardson on March 21, 2010 at 5:33am

Anna - I'm so sorry for your loss - I'm so sorry little Kai never got more time with you.
My daughter Meshael was taking steroids for a long time - she had a terminal genetic disorder and although the steroids gave her a little more strength they did damage to her as well. It's a hard thing to call. But I can see from your words here that Kai had the most wonderful loving family and friends and during his short life was loved beyond all measure.
Losing a child is the most painful experience - the pain just never goes away completely.
Try to remember the happy moments and block out the painful memories where you can. That's what I had to do to get through. It takes time and you will shed a load of tears but remember that there is always someone here who can help you through those hard times, just because we understand.
Hugs to you
Gail x
Your little Kai will watch over you always and

Permalink Reply by Anna B on March 30, 2010 at 5:24pm

Thank you... kind words mean so much. Here's one of my favorite photo's of my little guy!

Attachments:

• Kai Jul 28 4PM 009 crop.jpg, 1.3 MB

Permalink Reply by Gail Richardson on April 4, 2010 at 8:11am

He is just beautiful!!! Scrumptious!! Hugs Anna xxx

Permalink Reply by Shelly on April 15, 2010 at 12:02am

July 31, 2009 My babygirl was taken from me...She was not only taken from me but from many people that loved and admired her the kind of girl that people looked up to because shenever met A stranger OR MADE enemies...My heart broke that day and will continue to break... she will never be forgotten AND I KNOW HER SOUL IS NOT LOST! BUT MINE IS! I Think of her daily I cry from time to time cause I wish that I would have been with her...the sounds of " I LOVE YOU MOMMY" RINGING IN MY HEAD and the heartache I feel will never change My Boys are strugglin just as I am as a family we do not really sleep someone always up in this house but we have our own space now and we will be able to work on things as a family I have to hold it down for my boys... we have a new addition to our little family and all I can think about is how much love I have for her!(Serenidy TyAnnah-Renae Williams) How anxious I am to meet her and get to know her but still at the same time how scared I am for her as well she has alot of growing to do and I just pray that I'M STRONG ENOUGH TO GIVE HER AND MY BOYS ALL THEY NEED TO SURVIVE! I Feel sad knowing that my babygirl will never know the beautiful soul that her Big Sister had. Kassandra Danae Wickware Will always be my Angel and I know she will look over her brothers (Hadrian & JayVaughn) And her babysister(Serenidy)!
May God Keep Us all close and in his arms!

Permalink Reply by Ken Ciolek on July 9, 2010 at 7:46pm

Hi Shelly,

I am so sorry to hear about you daughter, I know exactly what your going through, I too lost my daughter on 12/27/09 she was 18 and have no reason why she passed, this is the hardest thing my wife and I have to deal with. If you would like to talk nore email me at kciolek@optonline.net. I could really use it.

Permalink Reply by BARB VANDALE on May 7, 2010 at 1:12pm

I lost my son Thomas on June 15, 2009 although he physically died July 13. He said goodbye to me that night to take his girlfriend home. He collapsed on the skytrain, our version of rapid transit. Although he was eventually revived, he was without oxygen for 6-8 minutes. The most horrible statement I have ever heard was from the doctor in ICU stating that whatever made Thomas, Thomas....was gone. He lasted almost a month. It is an undestatement to say I lived in that hospital. day and night. We basically stopped feeding him and just let nature takes it's course. He had just turned 17 on May 15th. Autopsy results showed Myorcardits...a viral infection of the heart.
He is the second son I have lost. My first son Adam, I lost to Muscular Dystrophy in 1994. He was 23. I knew that he would not survive this illness. His death although expected was still a death.
I am having such a hard time trying to find some sort of happiness. I am still having a hard time believing that Thomas is gone forever. How can I lose two? I keep looking for the answers but I know there aren't going to be any. I feel so empty inside. To me each new day brings nothing but pain and loss. I am seeing a therapist and am on antidepressants. I want to connect with people who know what I am feeling and not just giving me useless platitudes. Friends and family have been supportive, but as time goes on I feel them distancing themselves from me and my pain.
I am relieved to find a place here where I can share my pain and not have to make happy all the time.
Thanks for listening

Permalink Reply by melissa whaley on May 7, 2010 at 2:01pm

i lost my daughter to a drowning on 6-30-09 she was 15 and my best friend. It has almost been a year and it still does not seem possible. it does not seem possible that i have mentally survived. I cant imagine your feeling of loss having lost 2. I guess we are able to handle alot more than we would have ever thought. I know what it feels like to want to tap out and give up when it seems like all your dreams are gone. I feel that way everyday. I want nothing for myself anymore life has no flavor. It is like being a convict and earth is my prison i just have no idea how long my sentence. I could go on and on with the analogies of how i feel and i imagine you can relate. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing i will see my girl again then there will be no more good byes . I try to remember heaven is as real if not more real than earth. Our wonderful children are more alive than we are with JESUS and they will be waiting when GOD calls our name. Until then just try to make it through each day try to bless someone else because helping others is a natural antidepressant. It really works it has been all that has gotten me through. I wish you the best and you will be in my prayers. Also wanted to mention compassionate friends if you have never heard of them they have online chats and local chapter meetings were you can share with others who have been there. Good luck i hope you find peace in JESUS.

Permalink Reply by BARB VANDALE on May 9, 2010 at 1:09pm

Thank you Melissa for sharing with me. and for your kind words and empathy. I am truly sorry that you lost your daughter. I honestly can say that I know how you feel. I will check out compassionate friends. I do a little better with a chat than trying to compose a note.
I am sending you hugs and wish that all who have lost our children could sit down with a cup of coffee and have a good old gab fest. No one would be on edge because we wouldn't be holding back our willingness to share with each other the pain and grief we are enduring.
I wish you peace and love
Barb

Permalink Reply by BARB VANDALE on May 9, 2010 at 1:15pm

Thank you Sheryl,
I am sorry for your loss of Lee. Yeah I am tired of people telling me that "life goes on" Does it? I may be getting up in the morning, but am I living? I don't want to go out or have people in. I am tired of people apologizing for bringing his name up...they don't want to remind me! How can I forget? He was my child. You don't forget a child just because they are not here. I am soo tired of explaining that I love hearing his name, that I love knowing that they remember him. Why do they want to erase him? I don't understand.
I am sorry to go on like this. I so needed this site. I am glad I met you and others here and that I don't have to be aware of how I am feeling or that I am making you uncomfortable with my grief.
Thank you again.
Barb

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