Feeling a disconnect with everything

I've been feeling disconnected lately. From my family, my friends, my work and especially my emotions. I think it may be a defense mechanism, an attempt to protect myself for further pain. I have a hard time feeling happiness and joy, like I've blocked them out. I'm just 'going through the motions'. Everything else seems dull, too. Sorrow, longing, tears, anger, that intensely deep pain in your heart when someone you love has died. It's all dull.

Not to get incredibly personal or share to much information but, I don't even have a desire to be intimate with my husband. Has anyone else gone through something similar? Everything seems far away and nothing seems appealing? Should I be worried or is this common during the grieving process?

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Permalink Reply by Christine Leakey on January 28, 2013 at 12:51pm

I don't know that I'm ready to actually 'talk' to anyone about my feelings yet. I have no trouble typing my thoughts and feelings though. Weird, huh? I'm sure that I will eventually seek professional help in figuring out what all this means and just to have a general guide but I don't think I'm there yet. I also keep a journal at home that I write in almost nightly. My husband saw me writing in there last night and asked what I was writing and if he could read it. I just told him 'stuff' and that I'd rather he didn't read it, it's still very personal and raw and for some reason it's a lot easier to share with you all- people I know I will never meet face to face. I just wish I didn't feel so distant from everyone and everything. I don't want to. I want to be able to turn to my husband when something is on my mind about my sister but I just, I can't. I know that sounds absurd but I just can't explain it. I guess I'm looking for comfort in knowing that others are doing the same thing.

Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on January 28, 2013 at 3:05pm

u mite feal disconected for a long time or ul find yore self in plase wear u dont no how u got ther ther is a few times iv ended up in plase not no ing how i got ther or som days ul find yore self doing the silliset thngs with out relizing or fogeting thngs lke bdays anversrys and so on 

Permalink Reply by Nancy L on January 28, 2013 at 9:54pm

Hi.  I could have written the same things youd did. I am experiencing the same things, including the desire part. 
This is my first time to log on and to post, so I am not sure how everything works on here.

I lost my mom Dec 28th.  Both of my parents have died within the last 2 years. 

Permalink Reply by Christine Leakey on January 29, 2013 at 7:54am

Nancy, I'm fairly new on this site as well. Since my sister was killed on Dec 20th I've been on what feels like a roller coaster from hell. Constant emotions pulling me in every direction possible and sometimes all at the same time. Most days I don't know how I really feel because I feel like my emotions are fighting with each other trying to get the best of me. I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom, that must be awful to not have her. I encourage you to utilize this site. It's been so helpful for me, especially the blog feature. I'm still unable to 'talk' to anyone but I can type until my heart is content. I'll request you as a friend on here so we can talk whenever. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Permalink Reply by Nancy L on January 29, 2013 at 10:49am

Dear Christine,

I am so very sorry for you loss.  I can't even comprehend what you are going through, what your family is going through.  After reading your blog, I feel that you have every right to feel the way you do.  I do not know how you even begin to cope at this point.  Maybe with time - I know that is what everyone says, and I really hate it when they say that too! It is hard enough to lose someone you love, especially someone so young, but in such a tragic way, my heart is breaking for you. 

Permalink Reply by Bern on January 31, 2013 at 5:58pm

Hi Christine,

I want to share a site that I go to that have a Grief Chat 24/7

http://www.groww.org/

another on is Compassionatefriends.org----this site has limited hours but both are wonderful

http://www.compassionatefriends.org/Find_Support/Online-Community/s...

Permalink Reply by Bob Fredrick on January 31, 2013 at 2:32pm

Sorry for your loss.  My wife passed away 3 months ago, and I feel the same things you are.  I'm guessing this is a normal part of grieving, but I wish it would go away.  When I was divorced from my first wife, I wanted to get back into dating right away, but with my wife's death, I find I have no desire for a new relationship right now.  Going through the motions, lack of concentration, everything being dull.... I feel all of that.  I'm hopeful this will pass, and that a new life will start.

Permalink Reply by Bern on January 31, 2013 at 6:01pm

Bob,

I can understand you thoughts about starting a new relationship after your wife. I too have problems being imate with my husband after 20 plus years since our son was killed. It has sucked all the life and love out of my body. I love my son and his father. But, scared to be close and the feelings are dull.

 

I want to share a site that I go to that have a Grief Chat 24/7

http://www.groww.org/

another on is Compassionatefriends.org----this site has limited hours but both are wonderful

http://www.compassionatefriends.org/Find_Support/Online-Community/s...

Permalink Reply by Tahnee Attwood on January 31, 2013 at 7:58pm

Hello sorry to here about your loss,I lost my boyfriend on the 31st of July 2012 in a motorcycle accident, he was only 20. Since then my friends have stopped talking to me and avoid me only mine and his family really help me out I don't really know what to do at this point in my life, it's hard to just to get out of bed in the morning so I tend to shut myself away from people, I also find it hard to express myself to people, finding that some days i think im okay, the next day angry then the day after that deep depression it's like a roller-coaster, i've found making a memory book helps to take away the stress for a while and shows you how you yourself change your thought process of things over time, just an idea, my thoughts are with you all 

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