Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by renee collier on May 8, 2012 at 12:45am

I am so sorry for your loss. I just lost my boyfriend of 7 years a little over a week. I can understand what you are going through.  Every day is a struggle and so many things remind me of him.  Someone shared this prayer with me and if gives me some kind of comfort. I am not a religious person but a spiritual person. And since I lost my boyfriend/fiance I have been questioning the meaning of life and death.

I would like to share it with you.

Gracious God, please comfort the sorrowful.  When a loved one dies, it changes our lives so quickly.  Help those who are living in grief to know your loving embrace.  Teach them that the dear ones they miss are truly living in the joy and peace of your heavenly kingdom.  And as the pain eases and the healing begins, give them the strength to reach out to help those who follow them.

Permalink Reply by Lynne M. on May 4, 2012 at 7:37pm

I am so sorry for your loss and I am currently going through the same thing so can absolutely identify with right where you are.  I lost my husband of almost 42 years about four weeks ago and the shock is just beginning to lessen a bit now.  The initial shock was very "insulating" somehow and now I'm facing all the feelings of grief and loss without the benefit of the numbing shock.  I went right back to work (I took five days off) for the same reasons that you did and it has been helpful.  Still, I have to eventually come home, at the end of the day, to a house that we once shared and where he no longer is.  I feel like I rattle around in the house and it all feels "alien" to me somehow.  It's like I have to re-claim the rooms and the spaces and make them my own again and it's so very, very difficult.  I feel ill-equipped to deal with everything that I must now deal with and that's on top of the grief and overwhelming sadness.  All I can say is that I know it will get better and that this period is something that we have to navigate through as best we can - there's no way around it.  A "new normal" will eventually come and we have to trust in that and be gentle with ourselves.  I'm sorry that you don't seem to have much of a support group around you and I'm here if you want to communicate, as we are certainly going through a similar time.  Wishing you all the best.  L.

Permalink Reply by Joanne Welch on May 5, 2012 at 1:48pm

Thanks.  It's been really hard today - I just can't stop crying.  Had to go shopping to pick up a few things and just remembered being at the store with him.  Cried the whole time.  Lynne, I'm sorry you're going through this too.  I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone.  I have been sleeping on the couch. I just can't sleep in the bed alone.  I don't know if going back to work is going to help me.  I work at home so I'm here alone, but I can take breaks when I need to.  The problem is that I do medical transcription.  I didn't think what he doctors were saying would affect me so much.  Everything just makes me think about what my husband went through in the hospital for the past week.  I could only work a half day yesterday as it was getting to me too much.  At least work understands.  They just said we'll try again on Monday and I should take the time I need.  

Permalink Reply by Lynne M. on May 5, 2012 at 7:15pm

I'm glad to hear that your work is so supportive of you during this period.  That's got to be helpful, at least.  I've been having some trouble sleeping, too - I can get to sleep but I can't seem to stay asleep on many nights and that's not a problem that I've ever had before.  Those hours, between when I wake up and when dawn finally comes, are some of the very hardest for me - because there's really nothing to distract me.  At work, since I'm a Psychotherapist, I tune in to my client's problems and it takes me away from my own for a while, which is a relief.  I can well imagine that transcribing Doc's notes could be very triggering for you, given that your husband had been in the hospital.  I fully agree with what you were told about taking your time and just doing what you can do for now.  You're just a week out from his passing so, of course, you're tearful and still reeling...but it does get a bit better, just like most people say.  I'm just now beginning to feel a bit like myself again and my husband passed just over a month ago.  We were high school sweethearts so he's been my life partner since I was fourteen years old so it is a huge adjustment to living life on my own - I've never done that, as an adult.  One good thing that is beginning to happen is that I'm thinking much more now about the good things, the funny things and a bit less about the loss and the attending fear and loneliness.  I hope this is a trend.  Still, there are moments of such anguish and I'm never sure when they're going to happen - it's very unpredictable for me.  Well, I've gone on for long enough.  Just know that better days will come and that you won't always feel this bad...that's the main thing that keeps me going - that and the support of family and friends.  Again, wishing you all the best.  L.

Permalink Reply by MIchael A Ballard on May 5, 2012 at 10:20pm

Am truly sorry for your loss Joanne. All of us here know how you feel and it is all very normal. Please never feel that you are alone in this Youi have us here for you. Michael

Permalink Reply by Joanne Welch on May 6, 2012 at 9:36am

For some reason today is really hard.  Been crying since I woke up.  So much pain.  I can't imagine how I'll survive this without him and sometimes I don't feel like I want to.  I just want to see him again.  I'm going to have lunch with his sister today so maybe getting out of the house will help.  We've never really been that close because until 2 years ago we lived far apart.  Sometimes I get the feeling that she's just doing what she thinks is expected of her.  I feel like it bothers them that I'm still grieving and crying.  They just don't understand how hard this is for me.  

Permalink Reply by David A on May 8, 2012 at 8:26pm

Well I can you from experience that you are not alone here and if you feel like crying then you just cry.  We all have been there and this process is painful and it sucks.  But you will get through it although right now is doesn't seem possible.  My Lisa committed suicide over a year ago and while the pain and sorrow has subsided I still long for her touch and to hold her in my arms again.   I still find myself feeling lonely and will cry.  ALthough I have found another love(yes it can and does happen) I will always remember the good times we shared.  I still love my Lisa and always will. 

So please come back whenever you feel lonely and find comfort here.  I did and you will too. Just remember to breath. 

David

Permalink Reply by renee collier on May 9, 2012 at 1:38pm

David, thank you for your kind comforting words. You gave me a glimpse of hope.  I feel all I do is cry these days. its really hard at night when I am in bed alone and I am so use to cuddling with him.  You are right it sucks!  I am happy you found love again and I am sorry for your loss. 

Permalink Reply by Joanne Welch on May 8, 2012 at 5:07pm

Thanks.  It seems like it hurts more each day.  I can't stop thinking about him either.  

Permalink Reply by Joanne Welch on May 11, 2012 at 7:29pm

It's now been 2 weeks.  It's so hard to deal with. It feels like I'm being punished for something.  I lost both parents and all grandparents by the time I was 26.  Lost various aunts & uncles since then.  Finally met my husband when I was 30.  Went through infertility treatments and miscarriage.  Never able to have kids.  Father-in-law died when I was 34. Mother-in-law had died before I met my husband.  Our dog died in August, another one died in December, cat died in January and now I'm 47 and my husband is gone and I'm all alone.  It's just too much.  Seems like everyone I love gets taken away from me.  I don't understand why.