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Lauren, I have not gone through anything that begins to be similar to the nightmare that you are describing. Anger at your father is completely appropriate, even necessary. But I suspect that beneath the anger at your father there is anger with your mother, too. They both abandoned you for their addictions. You need help, more help than you can get online. You need to talk to real people. You need a live support group, especially when you're trying to deal with all this and a 2 month old baby. Call AlAnon, call the suicide hotline, call whatever help number you can find, but get some on the ground warm body help.
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