I dont know what to do...

I put Nicki down the day before christmas eve. Nicki was Grama's dog, her gift to me to remember her by. But Grama is still living and Nicki isnt. Grama is an adult and capable of understanding the decision to put down the 13 year old dog, but I keep being told not to tell her, that it'll just cause undue stress. Grama herself is displaying many of the same end of life traits that poor NIcki displayed. The weight loss, the loss of hearing and sight, the confusion, the loss of appetite and activity. I feel like putting Nicki down was similar to letting go of a piece of my beloved grama, She raised me. She held me as a baby and taught me how to verbally demean anyone who threatened me. She gave me this incredibly odd sense of humor. And now I'm being told that I cant tell my own grama, the woman who raised me and taught me to never lie, that I've put down my dog that was previously hers? It seems wrong and that Im lying to her. And I miss Nicki.

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Comment by Courtney Rice on January 6, 2010 at 3:41am
I understand your dilemma, but perhaps your family might be right in this case. Telling her might hasten your grama's illness. I have a 96 yr. old aunt whom I love dearly, but I don't want to tell her that my Michael died for fear of hurting her, even though I really want to confide in her. She knew Michael and liked him. She would feel horrible for me, and I don't want to burden her in her frailty.
On the flipside, my parents didn't want me to tell my sister that she was going to die from her cancer. I thought, "I can't do that". So, when my sister asked "Am I going to live?", I went 1/2 way with "I don't know, but either way it'll be ok". If your grama asks how the dog is, I don't envy you. But if she doesn't bring it up, perhaps you shouldn't either.
I want to say I'm really sorry you had to put poor Nicki down. That's one of the hardest decisions in the world. I have no children, so my cats are my kids. I'm sure this secret is compounding your grief as well. But let your love for your grama be your guide.
Sincerely, Courtney

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