Hello everyone (( HUGS )) as per usual im broken and it is not getting better its worse and this time it was not  just  me but Sarah the 14 year old amber's best friend and sister fell apart something she had not done i think she was trying to be strong all she kept saying was it hurts so bad mommy i cant stand it i cant stand it mommy horrible we sat sobbed for hours , and there was nothing i could do to help her other then hold her rock her and say i know mamas i know its OK to cry she was inconsolable , i also managed to somehow go thru amber's clothing something i had started a dozen times but was not able to , i made myself it was a whole other level of utter despair , then amber's best Friend growing up showed up and in conversation said mentioned the man that amber had been with when she died , she had gone to see him talk to him to find out what how this happened she said he was like not my fault she died i did not make her take the drugs no but he gave her the drugs she had no money for a reason , and then he added on the same day of amber's death i had to turn of her phone because when people found out she was dead it would not stop ringing and it annoyed me so i said fuck it and turned it off i was gutted and whole new level of hate has over come m e once again i want to just put a bullet in his head be done with him he should of been charged with involuntary manslaughter at the very least ....how did life get this fucked up this fast wtf happened ....