I have often heard people parot the phrase "suicide is the most selfish act".verry few,(if any),people kill themselves out of spite,and even if so,that person must have been awfully unkind to solicite such a drastic action.peoplr commit suicide for manny reasons.mental illness aflicts alot of people,and goes unnoticed and untreated in most.Childhood trauma/abuse haunts manny people.People kill themselves because they feel they haveno other choice,no hope,and the inner pain is unending.Before…

The thing about not having parents is that no one in my "circle" understands how I feel. They pretend to listen but their attention is quickly taken away by what is on TV and what is in the magazines. I have changed a lot since I last wrote in here. But the most recent events have me thinking that I'm still not completely all right. I even went to see a therapist while I was at school because I thought that she could help me make sense of the chaos in my head. But, I could tell that even she…

Tonight was the 33rd anniversary of my husband proposing to me.  He is gone now and I dont think anyone but me knew the significance.  Quite a few people knew it would be a hard day for me just because he is gone even though they didnt know exactly how hard and they tried to include me in some celebration or another.  I turned down dinner with a daughter-in-law and grandchildren.  I turned down another daughter-in-laws offer to buy me lunch.  I turned down an online invite by a very close…

I just have not been able to stop the tears since this morning. I just want to give a huge hug and kiss to the love of my life, my sweet husband, Danny, but feel so helpless since I cannot do that anymore!. I can say and scream and maybe he will listen but no warm hug or kiss. As I am driving to work this morning, I cant help to see all of the advertisement in the streets, the radio, the t.v. Can it all just  go away!? It hurts too much to know that today is Love Day and I am without the…

Highs & Lows today, my birthday.  Missing my beautiful daughter terribly, but also have had beautiful messages, phone calls and cards!   

Despie my losses,and although there is no justice.I will bask in the sun.I will rejoice in life.To honor my loved ones I will flourish,when I can.I will deny the wicked ones,and the cruelty of fate,by going forth with my head held high.I will feel the warm breeze.I will show kindness and mercy to those I meet,instead of bitterness.I will lie on sunny beaches.I will breath in the clean air.I will frolic in green fields with my dog.I will triumph over evil by denying it the murderous power…

The suffering isn't ennobling, RECOVERY is....Difficult times don't make us better.  It's the working through difficult times that does.  The suffering can force us to draw on strengths we never knew we had.

Thinking of my 2 children I lost.  

Some days are better than others ~ Stay strong my friends

for my lil sis.if i had been able to protect u from the horrible things our mother did to you when u were a child.if i had had the money to help u keep your house when u lost your job.if i could have helped u get into rehab when u begged our weathy family to send u there.if i had had my act together enough to have a funeral for u,wich was your wish,instead of your remains being cast aside by our uncaring family.with all the dignity  a dead dog found at the side of the road.a carcas left for…

I Can Not by Ronna Doescher on Friday, January 6, 2012 at 9:44am · I can not sleep, for dreams of you are waiting for me Though I love to see, It hurt's too much when I awake The thought of not seeing you in person is too much for me to bear I can not be awake, for thoughts of you are in my mind they take over and I cry all over from missing you The thought that you will not be with me is more than I can bear People ask me how I can think of joining you, but they don't understand I can not…

9 months, 10 months after his passing I had a conversation with him about his passing. I dream with him very often but most dreams he does not say anything to me. Last night was different. He called me on my cell phone to tell me that he was okay. His voice sounded so comforting and in peace. I was the one who was very much frustrated, crying to him. He said that sooner or later we all have to die. I said to him, no, you were just taken way too soon. He just sounded like in peace and trying…

she was in my field on a beautifull decorated elephant,holding a big parasol.it was her wedding day,and she was happy.she never got to expierience what it is to be loved and cherished,and she so longed to know the comfort of being part of a family.how cruell the human creature is.she once asked me what it was like to have a friend,for she had never had one.though she was so kind and so sweet,so trusting and so hopefull,no one ever cared to show her any compassion.she was met with jealousy…

I hope I don't seem like a crazy person,replying to so manny comments,but it truly breaks my heart to see that poeople are reaching out,and that some of peoples comments have not had a single reply.My heart really goes out to you all.I'm so sorry that this world is so cruell.

There are times I feel kind of silly, like right now. I mourn her physical presence, I miss her smile and her favorite lavender scent but I just realized that I feel her still. It's like my sister is right here with me, the way she's always been. It's like she's asking me, "Who are you mourning? I never left you. I told mummy and daddy that you had to have been adopted, why else am I explaining this to you." If she were here physically, she'd crack up at…

I have come to hate retail valentine's day assaults. I thought it was because I'd miss not having Michael's special gift this year, and in a way I was right. It is the gift of him that I miss, not the things. I keep finding little things like text messages, notes and little belongings of his and sometimes this sadness just washes over me. There are a lot of changes with me; I am having to move and downsize my living space by 3/4 so a lot has to go. It's hard right now. Just wanted to say I…

Because we are military family and my daughter was away at college we had three services for her in different states.  Alaska -where she was attended college and lived for 7 years; Pennsylvania –my husband’s home town, where Missy was born and lived for 5 years:  and finally California – my home town and were we currently reside. My beautiful daughter touched many lives and was well loved. There was an unexpectedly large turnout at each of the services including family, friends, and…